Moments of Reflection

London Fireworks 2012 - another level of art!

2012-01-05T16:38:00.000+02:00

I was there... if you can spare 11 minutes of your life, this is so worth it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q1yLRK2M8YQ&list=FL3_h7T8H77prVukZUftjyig&feature=mh_lolz

Hope you guys are off to an amazing start to the year!

Sad, but true...

2011-03-31T18:06:00.000+02:00

I'm thinking you need some serious perspective, when you camped out at the queue for the new iPad 2, and missed your son's birthday in the process. What's worse is, asking your son if that's okay and he gives his consent.

Umm ... seriously? Missing your son's birthday for a new gadget?

Actually, I sometimes wonder why I'm still surprised.

Simple pleasures

2011-03-10T17:19:00.004+02:00

Sunday bliss a photo by aimeeern on Flickr.

.. because I will be eternally grateful for them and I just need some happy thoughts rights now.

Here are the few things in life that will always and forever be appreciated by me and will most likely always be that which I will go back to, every now and then. Combining them make it all that much better:

Good coffee
Books
A comfy couch
Sunshine
Movies
Pretty jewellery
The visual arts
The beach

I wouldn't mind combining a comfy couch and the beach, actually.

I just have to add that, the hubby and our times together, my iPhone and its cool apps and the amazing city of London with everything it has to offer, greatly contributes to my current everyday simple pleasures...

Just need to say this...

2011-03-04T16:17:00.002+02:00

Life throws you curveballs to test you, to test your willpower, strength, faith, character… amongst other things. It’s kind of like standing in line and waiting for something to be thrown at you, like a game. Sometimes it’s something pleasant or even amazing and you take it with a thanks and a smile, or even one hell of a party... and sometimes you get hit with something hard, something terrible and totally unexpected. It’s just a test you know. Are you still in the game? Are you going to give up? Just throw in the towel and call yourself a failure? Or are you going to step up to the challenge and catch that curveball and wack it back with all the power you have and score some points?

The ones that fight back, are the successful ones, the ones who give everything of themselves and who realises what needs to be done and what this game is really all about. Even when curveballs hit them by surprise, they know it’s coming and they try their best to stay in the game. The ones who quit and run are those who are entirely missing the plot.

As you progress to higher levels of the game, it can become harder and harder. Sometimes a really bad curveball can be thrown at you at the very same time or seconds after something really great was just thrown at you. If you want to stay in the game, you will have to keep strong and keep focused. If you get through something as difficult as that a few times, you gain more power than the rest, more strength and soon bigger challenges might get thrown at you worth more points and then the stakes are higher too. But if you carry on and gain more and more power, you can win this challenge and reap great rewards from it. Those who believe this game is beyond them and rather stupid or pointless… well, they become lost and empty and might never reach any higher levels or score any more points, but they can try if they want to, because you can always get back in the game if you want to. Although, they might not have enough power to do so and find it extraordinarily more challenging than what it should be.

We know this game and we all like to win, is it not? But it seems in this game, far too many people want to be losers, even those who believe they aren’t. Even if you’re a good loser and non-competitive, I’m thinking you’ve still missed the plot of this game completely.

Its called trousers...

2011-01-21T15:41:00.000+02:00

Only being in the UK for 3 months and a bit and being South African (and probably just because I am South African), I find certain aspects of the UK and London life rather... how shall I say...interesting? Things which are just "everyday" for the English, are like totally not the everyday for any South African.

So here is a list of little things I've noticed about the UK, which made me smile all too often to myself :)

1. People here, generally abide. No, really. They stand in queues and wait forever if they have to, they dont cause havoc on tube platforms, they mostly keep quiet on tubes, they always follow the escalator rule of standing on the right, walking on the left; they follow road rules...
Ok, there are student riots at the moment and murders now and then, and drunk drivers on the road, but really, compared to SA? Sorry, but I'm from Cape Town. Order is not the default!

2. What is probably all too familiar and unbelievable for a South African in the UK, is actually living in the same city/country as world famous celebrities. South Africans tend to live in a little bubble, of: "those people you see on TV.. they are far far away". I watch TV and still believe those celebs like Posh Beckham, Prince William, Bono and Kate Moss are somewhere overseas..but they're actually somewhere around here... close to me....living in the next neighbourhood.... Im so South African.

3. The politeness astounds me. The British vulgar is really not vulgar. They might think so, because their levels are different. But if you are used to hearing vulgar South African slang, you could almost scoff at any British stranger trying to scare you or steal something from you in fact. Maybe I should try some really vulgar Afrikaans swear words when they do try something of the sort. Can you imagine that?

4. Shopping here is amazing, really. Capetonians would probably go into shock. The girls would scream like those on the Heineken ad when they see the shoe options here. You will not, I repeat, you will not.. ever struggle to find a shoe/boot/sandal you like, ever. The equivalent of Woolies here, which is Marks and Spencer, even sell TV's and other electronics. Actually most big department stores, sell everything. Some grocery stores have a full aisle dedicated to just bread..yes just bread, really. There's never really a statement such as: "Its really difficult to find ABC". I promise, you will find ABC in 10 different stores, in 5 different brands and possibly in 5 different sizes too. And if you really cant find it - google it, buy it online and you'll have it on your doorstep in the next 2 days.

4. Speaking of bread - the slices are huge! and now I am so used to it, I will probably frown at SA's small little slices.

5. Some rolls are pre-sliced. You know, like sliced bread? Sliced rolls. And they don't dry out. Yes lots of them preservatives.

6. There's no such thing really, as worrying too much over the quality of something, especially when it comes to household items. As South Africans, we tend to look for what is a quality lounge suite and dining room set for example, so that they can last at least 10 years. Well, theres no such concept here. Reason being, you can find almost anything, quickly, cheaply and conveniently and delivered to your doorstep within days. It seems almost illogical as to why you have to buy something expensive and top quality, unless of course, you just have to have the finer things in life.
And the stuff you can buy for cheap, are decent and modern and there are tons of shops selling them. Most of them are better than the modern ranges you have back in SA and the variety is massive.

7. Speaking of which, internet usage is crazy here. I quite like it actually. Everything is online and shopping can be delivered to you very quickly. When I need to check how long it will take me to get from A to B with public transport and which train and bus to take when, I can do that online, print it and off I go. And the data is real-time. The internet is kind of forced upon you, which I think is a good thing. We should employ that strategy in SA.

8. Everything is also a phonecall away. eg. if you need new flooring, you phone a number, you ask for what you want, you get it done within 48hrs. In Cape Town you only get somewhere fast if you have connections and if you "know where to go".

9. Almost no-one, owns a house in London. As in.. a normal detached house. Almost every home you see, is a semi-detached house, even if its a huge corner property. London is so sort after, that space and property costs are exorbitant. Even one of the most well known medical specialists in London, whose house has marbled floors and pillars lives in a semi-detached house. Those who do own houses in London are multi millionaires, billionaires and the like, such as celebrities. Kylie Minogue and Kate Moss have houses here. The rest of us, live in apartments, flats, rooms..

10. Snail mail actually works this side people. If something was posted to you, you can get it the next day. no kidding.

11. One thing I really like about the UK, is the convenience of everything. They are really good at making things convenient for you. I guess thats why they are a first world country. For example: they have black bags with built-in little handle thingies which you pull out, so you can close and tie the top.
There are just little gadgets to make everything easy peasy for you. (There are definitely disadvantages to this as well, I know..)

12. Super cool and super fast trains are just an everyday thing here.

13. You pack your own groceries, and throw in your own petrol. Hey, theres even a self checkout till, where you do everything yourself, without the need for a cashier. This will never work in SA at the moment. Just being truthful :) Although this might not appeal to South Africans(because we are spoilt in those departments), the thing is, if something goes wrong, its really your own fault. You have control over everything and you know that some stranger is not going to mess with you and your stuff. At some restaurants, you pack your own doggy bag too.

14. I like how the postal codes here, take you directly to where you need to be. A postal code covers a very small area, like a particular block or road. Directions and sign boards are everywhere..even on the walkways. Its basically very difficult to get lost here, in my opinion.

15. I think as South Africans, we should be happy as hell with our country - we have basically sorted out the racism issue (believe me), we feel free to practice religion proudly (and boy, do we practice religion back home), we also know what it means to work hard to get where we need to be and we have a very happy-go-lucky attitude (think World Cup). I cant really say the same for the UK regarding any of the above. I'm not badmouthing the UK, I'm just stating an observation, which saddened me a bit. Like they say: every country has its politics.

16. It was weird and a little hilarious, but now its rather cool and very useful, to walk down a street in London, and see the same shop thrice. You will buy some coffee at Starbucks, take the next corner and find another Starbucks at the end of the road and maybe two Costas and a Pret A Manger right next to you. That scenario is duplicated if you walk another 200m and another and another... Im not exaggerating.

17. I also find it easier to manage the cold here in London, as opposed to back home, even though its sub zero temperatures. The indoor heating everywhere works well. All you have to worry about is layering properly and making sure you have a decent coat, cap, boots and scarf for when you do need to walk outside in the cold, which are usually short periods of time. As soon as you're in a bus, tube, car, shop, house, etc, you're fine and warm. In Cape Town, your house can be colder than outside and you have to find a decent heater, otherwise you're screwed.

18. Pants are underwear. What we call pants, are called trousers over here. You'd be really laughed at, if you call trousers, pants :)

Thats it for now. There are many more interesting things about living here, but I wont go any further.
Im already getting used to this life, faster than I imagined. When everything seems ordinary again, then you know its becoming a part of you.

Aside - I really need to take more London photos. This place is photo heaven.

Not a wrap-up of 2010

2010-12-31T17:42:00.001+02:00

Never would I have thought I would be spending New Year's eve in a different country.

Moving to the UK was a huge step for both my husband and I, but Im so glad we took that leap of faith. We rationalised it over and over, or rather tried to, but at the end of the day, it was just something we wanted to do and we did the best we could to make it happen. We went into it knowing that we would just return to SA if it didnt work out for us.

We had to endure and are still enduring many challenges, before and since arriving here and the one major thing I have gained from that, is that I know we can pretty much do what we want to, when we put our heads together. We put ourselves out of our comfort zone and made it work.

I have learnt a great deal this year and a lot im grateful for(which I wont bore you with), but if there's one thing Im really grateful for, it's my husband.

We're literally starting off 2011 afresh. By that, I mean that we'll be moving this weekend into our new flat in London, insha-Allah. I can't predict the future, but without a doubt, I see the new year being a year of great change for both of us. Lets hope that they will only be good and beneficial for us, inshaa-Allah.

I never make New Year's resolutions, but for some reason, my goals have coincided with this time of the year :) I might share some of them in the new year, so keep watching this space.

May you all have a great new year, and may it be a year where you really find the light, insha-Allah.

A quick update on whats happening...

2010-11-29T22:22:00.000+02:00

So, just before the 2 month mark hits, M finds work. We are now both, so relieved and happy algamdulillah :)

To be without work in the UK for practically 2 months and having to sustain yourself using Rands, is no fun. Its a rather gruelling process to find work here from scratch, I must be honest about that and it can become a tiring affair. But, algamdulillah, the efforts werent wasted.

I havent found anything yet, but I have this itch to try something new, something different. I have real conflict in my head about whether I should continue this programming thing, or rather, my particular field of programming. I'll never be as good at what I do, as I would like to be.

It feels like career crisis all over again, at a time that I shouldn't be having it. This should be a time of making full use of my career growth, by pushing myself, climbing that ladder.. and of course, making sure I earn the salary I deserve. Essential really, for sustaining myself in a country where cost of living is high.
Or, that's what is expected of me, isnt it?

Being in the UK, has opened my eyes to so many ideas and possibilities, that its hard to ignore.
All this job hunting has made me realise that perhaps I should explore other fields of interest and potentially find myself in a position where I can really excel at what I do. Quality of life.. thats what I'm after.
Although, if you had to ask me which career I would consider trying, I dont have a clue.

Then again, perhaps this is the perfect time for career reflection, as I'm in a country where study options and opportunities are endless.

I dont feel brave enough to switch careers, or even just drop the programming bit, but at the same time I need to open those doors and take a bold step to awaken myself somehow. If that makes any sense.

For now, I'll just wing it ;) See where I find myself. I might just end up sticking to my career and making the most of it and enjoying myself.. Who knows. Right now, its just conflict, conflict.

Apart from the job hunt, flat hunt (we're moving closer to London since M found work there), answering calls from recruiters, enjoying UK life, or just catching up on google reader, I have a new-found hobby, which I cant believe took me so long to tell you about and which keeps me inspired..

I'm letting out more of my creative side:

Yes, photography is my new passion. I'm at the point, where my eye is set on particular lenses and I have endless ideas spewing out of my brain. I think its what has been occupying me, ever since you've noticed me disappear from blogger land :P

You can have a look at my Flickr stream below. There isnt much of worth there yet, but keep watching as I hope to deliver more inspirational/fun pieces in the near future :)

Here we go: http://www.flickr.com/photos/nackers/

The UK is seriously cold you SA guys. Its sub-zero temperatures at the moment and its going to snow tomorrow. Catch a tan and have a braai for me that side ;)

A very quick, but necessary post..

2010-10-03T14:59:00.000+02:00

So I havent been here in ages.. and I DO apologise. Life has been hectic..
Let me put it this way: I am currently typing this from a house in Milton-Keynes, UK. Yes, hubby and I have taken the big step and moved to the UK for a minimum of 2 years.

So much to say, so little time. All I really want to say is that we are fine, still finding our feet, but everything is good. We just need to find jobs and our own place to stay.

Theres more, but hopefully Il be back soon to give all the details.

Hope you are all fine and well.

Give me some words

2010-04-07T16:27:00.001+02:00

So, I’ve been missing for a while. Not unconciously, I have to say. It was unplanned, but I wasnt planning to be back this soon either. But il talk about that another time.
Right now, I’ve been mulling over something and perhaps you can help me out.

See these words below. You all know what they mean right? Well, most of you should:

Charisma
Character
Temperament
Composure
Approach
Tone

I know what they mean, I really do. But I have such a hard time explaining why these characteristics are so important to have as an adult. They are admirable, almost a must for me.

It all makes logical sense in my mind, but explaining this logically to anyone, is what makes my mouth run dry. If anything, my best explanation would be that, it creates harmony.

You would swear I’ve never touched the mesmerising topic of psychology.. but I have. Im just rather pathetic with words.

So if you could help me explain THE significance of having these qualities spot on, please go ahead and enlighten my wordless mind. I know you’re all such geniuses :)

I promise to be back and update you on whats been happening in my life.

*Edit: Let me rather say, the better side of the above words. i.e good composure, great character, etc.

Its your birthday

2010-02-11T10:19:00.001+02:00

Dear M,

Thank you for never giving up in trying to win my heart, all those years ago..

Thank you for the hours you spent helping me with computer science. I would never have been able to pass without you there...

Thank you for always trying to explain things I dont understand..

Thank you for showing me the lengths you would go to, to make me happy..

Thank you for making the effort in helping with the domestic chores, even though its really no fun...

Thank you for offering to cook, when I am not in the mood for it, even though you cannot cook!...

On that note, thank you for enjoying everything I cook, even though I know I’ve made blunders...

Thank you for giving my way, even when I really dont deserve it...

Thank you for being so honest...

Thank you for showing me the importance of always just being myself...

Thank you for always getting me amazingly awesome birthday gifts...

Thank you for being super sweet..

Thank you for making me laugh so hard my stomach hurts...

Thank you for always trying to do the right thing.. which usually makes me feel so guilty..

Thank you for the numerous Seattle coffee dates...

Thank you for the habitual red roses...

Thank you for taking all my nonsense and still loving me...

But mostly, thank you for being my husband! May you be around for many more years and may our happy moments increase with time Insha-Allah :)

Happy 30th Birthday Sweets!

Just play...

2010-02-10T17:07:00.002+02:00

I have quite the imaginative 9 year old nephew. He reminds me so much of myself, its almost weird. Like him, my favourite word used to be “Imagine...”, followed by some outlandish possibility or improbability. Last night, he proclaims: “Imagine the clouds were green and when it rains, it rains money!” :) We all thought it to be funny, but I found his thinking rather amusing. He associates money with the colour green, as it is in the US. Something he must have picked up on TV, watching movies and especially cartoons. But thereafter, he kind of corrected himself by saying, if the clouds were pink, it would rain R50’s and blue clouds, R100’s, etc.

This reminded me of the good old days of being young. When the world was a playground of possibilities. When nothing about the way the world works was really clear to you and everything was new and interesting. When stretching your mind was second nature and thinking outside of the box was anything, but.
The limited knowledge we had, reinforced us to think, even though our assumptions were based on a lot of false information we’ve picked up along the kiddie way.

As adults we need to re-learn how to be creative and stretch our minds, unless of course thats what you do for a living or you’re overly right-brained... Thinking outside of the box is almost a foreign technique. Something thats almost natural when we were kids, somehow got lost amongst all the opinions, judgements, norms, responsibilites, understanding of the world, earning good money, and then some... and often not exercising this part of your brain, can result in “brain numb-ness”, as I like to call it, thick-headedness, loss of good memory, close-mindedness and even bad attitudes. The opposite can result in anything, from thriving businesses to rekindling talents.

We all want to think like kids again, spew out ideas twenty times a day and venture new things with the ultimate enthusiasm. This wont happen if you dont allow yourself to nurture it. We forget the capabilities of the human brain and usually end up stagnating it. Most often we become stuck in ruts, because we’re too afraid to think outside our comfort zones. Its all too much for our well refined brain with four corners..

So dont feel guilty messing around with the kids and their paint splashing.
While you’re at it, waste some time doing crosswords and practice writing with your non-dominant hand, even if it takes up half the day... and starting more sentences with the word “imagine” might take you to parts of your brain you never knew existed.

One day, your flight might surprise you...

I see...

2010-02-08T22:35:00.002+02:00

Form, shapes, colours, lines, proportions, light, angles, shades, ... thats me. Thats how I roll. I live my life visually. I think visually. Its no surprise why its so difficult for me to spit out words on paper, or pc infact... my words are all pictures. And to interpret my thoughts from that, proves to be a real challenge. We all have something and if we were put into categories, I would be part of the category of people who expresses themselves with pictures, who solves problems visually and subconciously sees everything as a shape or colour. I often dream about things which I cant explain, because all I see is the shapes, the colour and the movement, even though while in the dream it was the same reality we have here or similiar. Sometimes, just before i wake up, I see a shape and colour and in actual fact, that object represents what I was just dreaming about. Often, when Im not fully asleep, or rather my subconscious takes over, and I want to see something in particular, in my mind, I make it appear as if switching on a TV. The person, or objects or scenery fully appears as if in a dream. It appears either rapidly or slowly, as if my mind forms the scene in slow motion.

It can sound weird, but we all have something, which often, we dont realise and which we deem to be the same for everyone else.

Everything around me is not just that object to me. Naturally, my eyes tend to follow the curves/lines of the object and often I wish to direct imaginary lines perfectly straight to connect two imaginary points on the object. Or if I am not completely “square” with the object, I try to draw a straight line with my eyes to a nearby object without skewing it or my eyes. Maybe this is weird. It was only now in my later years that I realised its such a habit of mine to do that and I’ve been doing it since childhood.

For example, a pavement, a simple sidewalk, is not just that to me. Its an object which my eyes have roamed over and over again while in the car, with interesting proportions and a gentle curve with interesting shades of colour, usually grey. I’ve often wondered about the history of its design and the tools to construct it.These are such normal everyday thoughts for me. It never registered on my radar as anything significant. Its the way you would see your environment around you everyday to work and wonder about certain things... well, its the same thing. Only now that I’ve reflected on my thoughts, have I noticed this. I dont go around always seeing every shape and colour, because I am just like anyone else.. I filter when I need to.

I easily notice misproportions, skew walls, skew cupbouards, skew anything in fact... gaps where there shouldnt be, colour coordination, colour imbalance.. and the list goes on. As you can imagine, Im a perfectionist with aesthetics. Im not pedantic (because I believe no-one should be), but when something isn’t “right”, in my immediate environment’, I feel restless. And thats apart from my “tidy up” side. Perhaps that is why I often feel the need to tidy up – because things are “skew”, because there is no balance, visually. I therefore love clean lines and beauty all around me.

The easiest way to express myself is visually and therefore I do pencil drawings. The lines flow as easily as the words would flow for someone who writes. I often wonder what the purpose of it all is... will it dictate my choices for the future? Will I ever need to use it? Or will it use me? And will I allow it to?

Right now I enjoy the power it gives me, but I do feel the need to use it for bigger and better endeavours.
I cant help but think that one day it will help me soar...

Why am I like this?

2010-02-03T16:56:00.001+02:00

*If you’re from Dubai, or really love Dubai, then you will probably find this post judgemental, if not offensive. Just a warning.

A few nights ago, M and I were chatting about Dubai and I realised that something about the country leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Perhaps Im just too judgemental. I havent ever been there, so perhaps I cant feel the way I do, but somehow I just do. I do know a few people who have visited the country, either for holidays or business and what I feel is largely based upon what they saw as well as things I’ve read and seen in pictures and on TV.

Im not quite sure how to approach this.. ...essentially the lifestyle and culture freaks me out. Whenever I see a picture of Dubai, I see objects that attract attention. Whether its buildings, or cars, or entertainment arenas, they all seem flashy. I believe in modesty. Beauty without the boasting. Yes, many countries in this world show off in some way or the other, with gorgeous architecture, lavish gardens and other flashy what-nots, but somehow Dubai takes it to the extremes? Am I wrong? Perhaps I cant say that only about Dubai. But seriously, man-made islands and the world’s tallest building? Perhaps its the fact that its an islamic country and yet the culture seems so contradictory to Islam? Ok, perhaps those responsible for the developments were not muslim, but the rest of the world sees Dubai as an islamic country. Now a liberal and great commercial hub at that, but still predominantly Muslim.

Then there is my view of muslims here in SA, returning from Dubai and bragging about aspects that isnt quite Islamic, yet seem so enthralled by objects of beauty or science, or even culture that is anything but something to brag about. Yes the science behind creating the islands, were fascinating and innovative, but I cant seperate the science from the intention to create it. If I have to brag about the way they’ve done it, its as if Im saying the project itself was cool, which I dont really, because I dont believe in messing with nature just to be different. You just dont mess with nature on such a massive scale. There are many examples outside of Dubai too, when it comes to messing with nature, and I sure wont brag about the science thereof either. Science will always be amazing, so why rave about it, when the reason for the use is so obvious. The intention is important for me. I wont marvel at something which doesnt have pure intentions. The same goes for anything else. Einstein created the science behind atom bombs and he is pretty bright and I will always think that his discoveries were excellent, but I wont think the same of those who used his science to actually create the bombs. Their hard work had dangerous consequences and what was really the intention?

Basically I see a flashy culture which doesnt sit well with me. Dubai is Dubai and I dont care too much about it. But I realised that I would feel uncomfortable living there, or working there. if thats wrong, its wrong, but I feel that way. M thought it was a bit drastic, and I can understand why. I just never thought I would feel so strongly about it. Il visit the place, no problem, but Im not sure if I would want to contribute to the economy. When I see the West, I see it, and its all fine, since Im not expecting anything specific, but when Im faced with an Islamic country, suddenly I have certain expectations, which I probably shouldnt have. To put it simply, the culture just puts me off and in general any kind of boasting, especially extreme boasting and where loads of money are involved.
Is that not a waste? Is the economy the only thing people think about?

Now you’ve probably got a million counter-arguments, but hey, this is just more about how I feel and my inability to understand it :) I know that so many countries and cities do absolutely crazy out-of-this-world things, so Im equally baffled as you as to why I feel so strong about Dubai.

Whats your thoughts? If you’ve ever been there or know more about the country, please share. You might just sway my thoughts.

Summer lazing

2010-01-27T16:44:00.003+02:00

After spending a week, including New Year’s in Agulhas, another week off at home, my nephew being sick in hospital, the loss of a grandfather, 3 weeks without my in-laws at home(and still counting), countless scorching hot days, an offer to change my career path, finishing a book and starting another, and numerous social events, I’ve finally decided to come back here and blog. Mainly, its just been too hot to pull out the laptop, with its emitting heat in an already boiling bedroom.. and I’ve just been busy with life. Its as simple as that.

My week in Agulhas was just what i needed.. Lazy, peaceful days in a beautiful, relaxed little town full of holiday makers. I didnt need adventure, fun, or anything different. I just needed time off. Getting back into the swing of things at work, after only 2 weeks off, proved to be challenging, since my entire being was screaming get away..do things..rejuvenate..get some fresh air. And to be honest, I still feel like secretly running out of the office, calling M and telling him to meet me at Table Mountain for a cable car ride and a picnic atop the mountain.. Here in Cape Town, getting out of the holiday mode can be difficult, trust me.. with all the scenic views wherever you go, the beaches beckoning and the countless holiday places nearby. Theres nothing else like being outside during Summer. I think Summer is the most unproductive season in Cape Town.

But hey, all’s not lost. I’m planning to take full advantage of the entire Summer and will try to at least dip my toes into as many summer pursuits as I can before the season is over in an attempt to fulfill my craving of being outside all the time. This Sunday I’ve planned a breakfast picnic in Kirstenbosch with some of my girlfriends. The plan is to do something every weekend.

As you’ve read above, I’ve lost my grandfather. Days before his death, were difficult days for my dad and his siblings, as his condition deteriorated. Even so, his death surprised me. I just expected him to get better, as he always does. His pulled through so many accounts of being sick, I just thought that eventually he will get through and everything will be fine again, as usual. He died of heart failure and went rather peacefully, with everyone that lives with him, by his bedside and he just closed his eyes, algamdulillah. The janazah(funeral) was rather sad for all us but also beautiful in the way that we all felt so connected to each other as we mourned. Its still a bit strange for me to think that he is no longer with us. I no longer have any grandparents left and Im actually feeling this hole inside of me.. a hole I never knew would exist.

But we’re all making duah for him..

I’ve got career plans and other plans for this year, but il reveal all when everything is in place. It might be a drastic change, it might not be. All I’ll say is that this year will be very interesting and thats not only because of the FIFA World Cup being hosted here in CT..

Other than that, Im in need of new activities and just being outside. I have a list of endeavours. I just need to stick to them! My bad being procrastination..

I am still on my reading spree. I have about 7 new books at home, waiting to be sunk in. I’ve just started reading The Book Thief by Markus Zusak. Its intense thus far, but very creative. And you know what goes with reading right? Good coffee, of course. Since M and I are both equally addicted to the happy drug, we’ve become infatuated with our coffee machine we received as a wedding gift from my sis and have been spending most nights making filter coffee and frothing our milk. Its like making any evening, a special one.

Now all I need to know is how to make a good cappuccino...

...

2009-12-14T22:27:00.002+02:00

Things are looking grim. I have a strange head pain just above my eyes and when I bend my head down, even just a little bit, the pain intensifies. But the strange part is that, when bending, I get a sharper pain just above my right ear and at the base of my skull... ?? I assumed it’s my eyes, because of the pain on my forehead, just hanging over my eyebrows, but the base of my skull? Even stranger, is the fact that its almost constant. I have this slight headache everyday (which really makes me think its my eyes getting weaker). The other pains are new. Making sujood was calamitous. I had strange visions of my head exploding earlier and M wants me to have my eyes checked out. I think his right.

Thats not the only reason for the gloom. My grandfather seems to have taken a turn for the worst. The family atmosphere has changed so drastically now that everyone’s realised that there really is nothing much we can do for him anymore, except just monitor and look after him the way we have. The cancerous tumour on his oesophagus, has been making him vomit and cough up blood and my dad has been there everyday day after work, to wash him and help him do the toilet business. My dad also does his routine shaving. Inbetween my uncles and male cousins have been there as well, helping to wash him or whatever else he needs. Its been really tough, especially for my family who lives with him. They practically have to sleep with one eye open every night. Theres at least one of us family members there everyday to visit, even if its just to be by his side as he sleeps.

My once, chatty, stubborn, independent grandfather is now mostly silent, weak and dependent.. My sister had a huge shock when she came back from Makkah to find him this way.

Whats even worse to see is how my dad and his siblings are taking it. Well, not taking it. My dad who is usually very strong... it has finally sunk in. They’re a very strong family in the face of sickness and will do anything for each other, but this seems to be hitting them very hard. You can see the morbidness on all their faces and the silent sadness as they carry him with a chair to the bathroom and back, whilst the sweat rolls down their faces. The way they would sit there reciting the Quran by his bedside.

At this point, the only thing I hope for, is that when my grandfather eventually dies, that he wont suffer before then, Insha-Allah.

As you can imagine, Im feeling rather dismal lately and work isnt helping. I have two major tasks at work which must be done before I go on leave, which is in 2 weeks time and work is the furthest thing from my mind at the moment.

Being at work, feels like trudging through mud everyday and I cant get to my destination. Il just have to bare it.. keep positive.

Bookish

2009-12-01T22:21:00.003+02:00

I suddenly have this urge to read.... read ... read, all the books I’ve ever wanted to. I have so many “to read” books on my list and never seem to make the time to buy them or even borrow them. All I really feel like doing these days is curling up on my bed or couch, reading... all day... escaping into that book, and then slowly emerging back into reality when I need to put the book down. I miss that escape that happens.Together with that, a gorgeous cup of coffee and some sunny day breaks inbetween here and there. Yes, just doing nothing basically. Some me time. Some alone time. Growing up as a bookworm, this is rather strange, because I never had a chance to crave reading. I was always reading anyway. I’ve never been as long without reading a single book as I have now. Its as if half of me disappeared without me knowing and politely returned from its getaway to remind me it exists! I am SO reading-deprived, Im wondering if Im still sane.

I imagine myself reading on my bed, then a vision of me on the couch, then a vision of me on a rock at the beach, on a restaurant balcony, a coffee shop, ... reading, reading, reading.

I’ve finally started to read my Jodi Picoult book thats been laying there for months, just because of this craving. Its a light entertaining read, not my first choice, but its something. No offence to Jodi, its just that over time I am appreciating deeper, more meaningful books, real life stories, autobiographies, inspirational books and history, than creative novels. Novels are there for light entertainment only. If the fiction isnt epic or compelling, its just there for a treat. You learn something about life from every book read anyway.

Second to that, Im craving sight-seeing. Going far away from Cape Town to someplace completely foreign to what I know and just experience a different world just for a short while. But I know that wont happen. Im not willing to have money spent on a holiday far away if I can relax right here in my own beautiful city, or even just in the confines of my home. Perhaps if I had spare change I would go :P

Im really needing time off and this year I’ve actually decided to take some leave in December. I usually take in Jan when everyone else is back at work and the city is fairly quiet, but this time – this time it has to be soon, because my brain feels fried. I need a mental recharge. I was hoping for a very long leave, but unfortunately I dont have enough leave days for that. Im hoping that the few days I do take off, will be worth it and it will be the break that I need. And hopefully I’ve also read a few books by then.

Since I’m feeling very much like a bookworm again, I thought I would share some interesting book websites:

Barnes and Noble reviews

Bookfinder

Mostly fiction book reviews
Book.co.za

and I like Exclusive Books, including their website, so here’s that if you’re interested:
Exclusive Books

M has ordered me some books online today. Cant wait to read them :)

If you have interesting book websites to share, or books to share in fact, please do!

Happy reading...

Things are different

2009-11-26T14:14:00.001+02:00

So tomorrow is Eid. It feels rather strange this year, as my sister will be on Arafat and the true meaning of Eid-Ul-Adha feels all the more real to me. My thoughts are with her and Im so tempted to sms her to ask how she is feeling, but that would just seem so inappropriate to disturb the intensely spiritual moments she and her husband are probably experiencing right now. And also... what would you say to a question like that? So il rather not put her on the spot either. Maybe it will actually be okay, but I would rather curb my curiosity than disturb her right now.

Apart from that, Eid this year will just feel, and is, already, feeling a whole lot different and just not “normal”. Firstly, my parents will be lugging around four kids tomorrow (which will be a challenging feat). My mom hasnt baked anything for Eid either because of the kids taking up her time during the day, which is the first time ever, that she hasnt baked for Eid and my father is very finicky about his cake and biscuits. It has to be home-made and it has to be hers. But this time, he wont be finicky. He doesnt have much of a choice. Then secondly, Im living in a different house, in a different neighbourhood with new neighbours to wish. Il also have to make my own Eid lunch, which will be something very new for me and which Im not really looking forward to (dont ask).

Then another thing – my paternal grandfather has been very sick ever since my sister left for Hajj. He got a bit faint the week that my sister left and ever since then its been downhill. As far as i know, the few days before then, he was acting a bit frustrated with his inability to do things that he could before and started acting childish, by not taking his pills and not wanting to eat his breakfast. He was and still technically is, a very independent old man and hates anyone to do anything for him. Very stubborn, but I can understand his behaviour. This possibly caused him to faint a bit, because of his sugar levels dropping. He became sick a few times after that and was sent to hospital, but his back home now and very weak. The doctors found a cancerous ulcer on his oesophagus, but they cant remove it, because of his age and his heart issues. He currently has a pacemaker.

Its rather disturbing to see him just lie there all weak, considering about 2 years ago, he was still taking the bus into town and walking around, even though he is currently 86 years old! He still did tailoring work within this year. His generally been very active all his life and to see him all weak is very disturbing for us. More disturbing than sad, in fact. But Insha-Allah he will get better and start eating better. The family’s been there every night for two weeks straight and so it doesnt feel like Eid has actually arrived. The atmosphere is a tad weird.

But nevertheless, Im sure when tomorrow comes, it will once again, feel like Eid always does, because Eid always feels like Eid, if you know what I mean.

After tomorrow, its preps for my sister coming back home. So much to do, so little time. We kind of planning to spruce up her home just a bit, to surprise her, so we’ve got a bit of work to do! My niece wants me to help her make a welcome home sign for them and in my head Im thinking: “You’ve come to the wrong person! (panic)” but hey I might as well try. She also asked my dad to help her make a dishcloth holder for my sisters kitchen, which I thought was so cute! Those kids have always been very creative and Im sure il be seeing lots of “I love you, I missed you” cards and letters either written or typed out and coloured in, the works..
Its going to be a busy week.

Eid Mubarak to all of you for tomorrow! May it be a spiritual and joyous day, Insha-Allah :)

In need of change

2009-11-25T00:08:00.001+02:00

Theres only two weeks left until my sister is back home and Im foreseeing those weeks to be very busy. Especially that last few days making sure that their home is in order and making sure the food list is checked for that day. I doubt the pool will be ready for them, but hey, we’re not the pool people and nowhere near experienced. I do hope they appreciate what M has been able to accomplish thus far. It wil be good to be back home though. As fun as it was living in a different house, Il enjoy getting back to my own space.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my sister and her husband and wondering how they’re feeling now. Im sure the build up to the day of Arafat must be a very emotional/nervous time. The kind of thing you only feel once you’re in that position. I often wonder what it must be like to be in Makkah and I just cannot comprehend it. To comprehend being amongst millions of people alone, is hard enough. Then that combined with the fact that everyone is there for the same purpose, knowing that the land you’re treading on is holy and hopefully being at the peak of your spirituality, and being able to see the Kabah... it is hard to imagine. Its overwhelming, just thinking about it. I sometimes wonder if Il make it through all the tears running down my face! Its a journey thats often on my mind and i sincerely hope that I will have the honour of going on Hajj one day, Insha-Allah.

Lately, I’ve been feeling this lack of energy, especially at work and it seems like a chore just to get through the day. At first, I thought it was work that was boring me. But in actual fact, its just me in need of some drastic change. That... and some time off. I’ve just been craving for some alone time and doing new things and activities that I enjoy. I think its time for some leave, some breathing space. I am also halfway to a plan of action for getting out of this really drab time of my life where true passion for something knows no existence, but I wont divulge any of that here. Not just yet. Il be taking some baby steps and then see how it goes. And if all goes well, then Il share it here!

When your mind and body tells you, or rather begs of you, to stop what you’re doing and just breathe, you listen. You have to. And you shouldn’t be afraid. I’ve tried fighting it, but it just wont go away, so I’m trying to submit to the needs of my mind, body and soul. Life is all about making sense,doing whats right, not wasting time, hard work, thinking, purpose, keeping up, change, maintenance, stresses.... but life is also about laughter, fresh air, peaceful moments, good coffee, excitement, long naps, adventure, bonding, scenic drives and passion, amongst other things. I often wonder why it is so hard for many of us to go on any adventure.. even if its just something you havent done in a while, such as riding a bicycle. Just doing something different, is so hectic for our minds and bodies to feel comfortable and so we fear that loss of control or perhaps just guilt for leaving whats right to do and not whats best. We know its good to fill our lives with some excitement and passion, but yet we always struggle to take that step.We need motivation and reassurance, just to do something we know is good for us. Theres such irony in that.

Right now, Im trying to figure out what will help me put back the energy I lost and what will truly fill me and get my batteries recharged..and I know that for me, its not only taking time off from work. Its definitely more than that. I also need to find something that I can be passionate about everyday; have something to look forward to, every morning that I wake up...

Not the easiest task, but Im willing to try. Its the start to my own personal adventure :)

By the way, the weather in Cape Town has been amazing! M and I took a drive out to Hout Bay on Sunday, regardless of all the chores we had at home, because I always believe that when the weather is great, you should be taking advantage of it... domestics can wait, but the weather won’t.

So if you’ve been working too hard and never have time for breaks, thats when you should be taking one. Its good for your soul.

the things I've learnt

2009-11-10T20:15:00.004+02:00

Call it wisdom, maturity, observation, experience or just plain nonsense.... but along the rather winding path of life, I’ve discovered many a few things. Here are some:

... a woman’s emotions about something can be totally real, but usually difficult to express, no matter how irrational those emotions might seem on the outside.

... a woman can shed tears for something like irritation, annoyance and frustration, not only anger, disappointment, sadness and joy.

... true love can be very overwhelming.

... someone who is always on time, is almost instinctively conscious of time, whereas someone that is always late, operates on the basis of hope.

... whatever your position in life, you will have some insecurities which you need to work at.

... attitude has nothing to do with the ability to reason, but most people forget that.

... maturity has nothing to do with your age or appearance, but all about your life experiences and the way you’ve handled them.

.... but maturity can also be an attitude thats easy to adopt.

... adopting a sense of maturity is not only good for yourself, but for those close to you as well.

... convincing someone of the truth is a dire task which often works best with no words.

... a woman’s instinct and intuition can be powerful

... when its just you and the silence, there is always something calling upon your soul. Its up to you whether you listen or not.

... trust can be broken in seconds.

... most people are thinkers and very few are doers..

... knowledge is not power until put into action.

... most people are not honest enough for fear of judgement or humiliation and are more concerned about social acceptability.

... not knowing everything about something, can sometimes be better for you.

... at the end of the day we all long for companionship as opposed to being single.

... older people are not necessarily wiser.

... there are always two sides to a story and many people are more biased than they care to admit.

... genuine friends are rare.

... its possible for someone to love you so much that they’d do anything for you. Go to the ends of the earth for you, so to speak.

... imagining yourself in someone else’s shoes is a sure way of empathising with them.

... true joy in life only comes when your focus is off yourself completely and you give of yourself to others.

... many people dont know the true meaning of moving the focus off themselves.

... a lack of imaan(faith), can lead to a corrupted mind.

... we’re all entrenched into societal behaviours so far from the blatant truth, we’re practically brain-washed.

... a sense of purpose in life is vital, but theres no sense in it without having a lack of purpose as well.

... moderation is the key to everything.

... being thrown into the deep end is sometimes the only way to get past your fears and achieve new heights.

... sometimes you just need to let go.

... we often push the most important things aside, because of our petty priorities.

... the perceptions you have of people can change drastically within a day.

... emotions can be deep-rooted and can determine your personality.

... wars are as much a part of the current world as it was in the past and Il never quite understand why.

... adults need to be cognisant of how perceptive and intuitive kids are. Their brains are still sponges.

... there are many great opportunities we miss in life, because we’re either afraid of change or not keen on taking risks.

... theres so much beauty in this world that we dont see, because we’re too caught up in our own busy lives.

... special moments are there. fleetingly here, then gone, but we hardly take the time to appreciate them, even when see them.

... its good to read between the lines.

... theres always grey between black and white.

And theres so much in this world, not yet discovered, that will blow our minds away.

Theres many more to come as the journey continues.
Il be back to share.

*Just as a side.. M surprised me with gift jewellery from Etsy (which I LOVE) for our 6 month anniversary today :) Isnt he sweet?

interesting times

2009-11-09T22:40:00.002+02:00

Its been two weeks since my sister has left for Hajj and its been 2 weeks of living in her house. The week before she left was rather chaotic for my family-handling capacity and the house was constantly crowded with visitors. I think M and I havent been as tired as then in a very long time, due to all the chores and running around. That week I realised so many things about my family, or rather most families. They’re always there for you, no matter in which capacity, but they’re there, and it counts. Every little bit counts.. I noticed how each and everyone helped, whether it was washing dishes, carrying things around, picking up chairs, frying pies, or just keeping the kids at bay. No matter how unassuming or sometimes too assuming, family can be, they do more than you know sometimes and we need to take the time to appreciate them more often.

It was a very emotional moment for me to see them leave, especially having to see the kids cry, and knowing how nervous and overwhelmed my sister felt about going on this journey, but I also knew everything was going to be fine. The kids will be fine, my sister will be fine, we’ll be fine and everything will just work out. And by the looks of it, everything seems to be going well for my sis, for us here at the house keeping their belongings safe, as well the kids, considering how many times my niece has cried for her mommy and how tired both grandmas are of changing nappies. We’re getting into the swing of things and slowly but surely we’ve figured out the best system for each of us to make this work.

Living in someone else’s house and keeping it safe is proving to be one rather interesting experience. Its been fun and challenging at the same time. It took us a few days just to get used to the bush of keys they own and which keys fit into which locks. We have to lock about six things before we can leave! We’ve also realised, that home maintenance is alot of effort! We dont live on our own and generally only have to deal with 2 rooms back home. Now we have to maintain an entire house, while also making sure nothing breaks and the house is kept safe at all times. My sister had 3 break-ins recently before she left and that left us both rather paranoid about our safety, etc. So we kind of have this cloud hanging over our heads about being in someone else’s home and keeping everything in tact all the time, while trying to relax and enjoy our alone time at the same time. Their pool needs to be cleaned as its greener than hulk and rather fungal and M has been trying to tackle this issue most days and discovered its not the easiest of tasks, especially when you dont know where half of the equipment is, and some doesnt work! I cant believe theres so much pool equipment out there just for cleaning purposes and they’re all so expensive. Shouldnt we all then just get rid of the dirty water and hose in some clean water? Just a thought.

At least we’re closer to work and thus we are using less petrol, which is a major plus. but I do miss my own bathroom and bed!

Just another 3 weeks, and they're back home. I have a feeling time will fly.
Im glad we’re doing this for my sister. We’ve learnt alot about home-owning and Im not quite sure we’re ready for our own house, considering the lazy buggers that we are :)

I planned to take my niece and nephew (the older two) out for the day for the past two Saturdays, but both days were interrupted with something else. Hopefully this coming Saturday I wil take them tobogganing. I havent tried this yet, but it looks like a lot of fun.

Anyhow, M is trying to fix the kids pc inside, or by the sounds of it, already fixed it, while im trying to blog with my eyes half open.
I think its time to get ready for bed.

I was transported...

2009-10-15T22:38:00.002+02:00

Last night, M and I were having a conversation and somehow it led to the toys we used to have when we were kids. I realised that back in the 80’s, the popular toys included, a Rubik’s cube, Bicycle cards and Lego. And board games like Monopoly, if I think about it now. Well, I had Lego, Im not sure about everyone else. It was one of my favourite, if not my favourite toy to play with and there weren’t even all the fancy Lego pieces you get today. I had to use all those boring (interesting back then) pieces and create towers, cars, what-you-have with just those, and perhaps some wheels and little funny looking men. M still seems a bit sensitive over the fact that his never had Lego when he was a child :) I should get him some, actually. But he would probably beat my Lego skills hands down and Il feel like a child all over again and start to cry... *snff* Hey, Lego was precious to me. It was MINE and I made sure that all my pieces went back into the container and safely stored away from who-knows-who? I didnt even have siblings or cousins that would steal it or lose my pieces, but I was always one to keep all my things in good condition.

Did you ever notice how so many kids can solve the Rubik’s cube problem and adults always fail? That always amazed me. Its like kids are innate geniuses and we think too much with our over-analytical minds. As if NOT thinking, will use the part of your brain that you need to solve it, which really doesnt make any sense. Then again, kids are special, they just are. Our brains as kids are in another dimension, transforming every second and has a heightened level of curiosity.. fascinating. I have yet to solve the Rubik’s cube. It drove me nuts!

I realise now that all the games and toys I used to enjoy were those where I needed to create something out of imagination or solve problems. I had various other building block type, twisty type toys, and created all sorts of wacky things to proudly show off to my parents. I was always just creating things.. I’ve lost that imagination. I used to continuously play with one thing until I could perfect it. I had parents who never spoiled us, and so when they bought toys and books, it was wonderland and I savoured every last thing they bought me. Most precious to me, was the huge, thick, fairytale books they bought me. Reading was my life. I was constantly in the library. I couldnt part from those, and kept it right into my twenties for, you know, just in case. My niece and nephew benefited from it and I encouraged them to play Lego. Im all for imagination... I think my nephew has traits reminiscent of myself – he loves reading and has the craziest imagination!

Dont you just love how the simplest of things used to excite us as kids? Eg. Coming home to watch your favourite cartoon or reading your new library book... Those were the days.

Anyhow, I was describing my favourite books to M and I relayed my clear memory of my organized bookshelf that my dad made, that held all my favourite books, pens, writing books (I used to draw and write poetry) and other treasured girly stuff that meant the world to me. I had lockable diaries and beautiful stationery on my shelf. My bed was below the shelf, which was mounted on the wall and right next to the bed was a chest of drawers. My bed was also against the wall (I shared a small room with my sis). So you can imagine, when going to bed, I was practically in a little nook. Above my head was the shelf, next to me was the chest and the other side was a wall. I told M how I would reach up to my shelf and grab a book before going to sleep and would often read late into the night and how sometimes, I would wake up early, turn my head to the left and notice ants walking up the wall in the corner and how I would lie there for at least half an hour observing these ants and playing with them, redirecting their course. Or when I couldnt sleep, I’d play with the loose paint flakes on the chest of drawers and scratch markings into it. I used to lie there contemplating life, stretching out my arms and legs up against the shelf for fun, mostly in the mornings. I used to grab my girly pens and scribble poems and doodle in my notebooks in bed. This was in my pre-teens and early teen days.
The memory was vivid. What frustrated me, was how I couldnt remember exactly what was on my shelf... I had it for so many years and used it every single day and yet I could only see a quarter of it in my mind. I remember standing on my bed to reach the top shelf, yet theres a blur in my mind as to what precisely was on there?

M was fascinated and told me some stories of his childhood, and then it hit me, that there are so many childhood memories we havent shared with each other, and really, your spouse is the one person who will be most intrigued about your kiddie adventures. Think about it. Anyway, I was still bothered that I couldnt remember my shelf contents. I wished to go back and check.

My wish came true and my frustration ended when I went to sleep and went back to my bookshelf in my dreams and had a chance to have a good look at whats there. Its as if I time travelled to my old shelf and double-checked the contents to make sure that this time I could remember it! I recognized a few things, but some not. It was disappointing, because I dont think the dream was 100% correct, but it was very close and I saw books there that I completely forgot about. I was given a dream to ease my frustration :) How cool is that?

Dreams are miraculous arent they? I have never had a dream like that before, where I was transported back in time to observe something from the past. But even more extraordinary, are memories. ..I was instantly taken back to a time that I miss. I had such nostalgia last night.

And so it was...

2009-10-05T23:07:00.001+02:00

I never blogged about my birthday.. I was just simply too busy since then. But I have some time now, while sipping my rooibos.

All I can say is, it was lovely.

I took the day off, which in itself made my birthday lovely. I could have just stayed in bed, sleeping and that would have been a good birthday. But nevertheless, that didnt happen. M took me for coffee the morning, which, as you can imagine, made my day all that more spectacular. I mean honestly, whats better than a day off from work, the sun shining and having your favourite coffee for breakfast with your husband, while everyone’s working? ..

Thats not all, he practically spoilt me the entire day and bought me tons of gifts. I have the sweetest husband.. Insha-Allah, the loving, and spoiling between us will stay there for many more years to come.

Not to mention the evening, mom-in-law laid the table outside with pretty candles and overlays in pink and blue, with cakes and tarts and other luxuries, in expectation of my parents coming over as well as my sis and her family. Dad-in-law set up the projector with cartoons for my niece and nephews (which soon turned into the soccer match for my dad) and the urn was ready for serving lattes and tea. A table with a play-car racetrack was set out for my 2 yr old nephew. All of this in the yard. Needless to say, my nephew loved the racetrack and we had more juice and cold drinks than coffee, due to the heat. I made some chocolate mousse, which wasnt perfect, but everyone enjoyed it anyway. My niece and nephew (the oldest one), made me a card and a little box with sweets pasted on it.. so cute.

Even though I was everything from emotional, to happy, to tired, to full of laughs, it was a beautiful day, algamdulillah.
I woke up the next day with a sinus headache though and told my team lead I got a hangover from my birthday party :D

Saturday, I had a “girls night out” at very short notice, with some girl friends i didnt see on my birthday. It was just a few friends, but all we really did was have drinks and conversation. I had a French Vanilla Mocha Chilla, which is way too sweet for my tastebuds, but I still drank ¾ of it. It was nice evening though. You know how it is when us girls get together – the conversation will include everything, from husbands, to food, to bags, to personal hygiene and the neighbours pyjamas.. and then some.. Havent been out with just my girlfriends, in a while, so it was fun.

Off topic, I cant believe its already October! 2010 is literally right before us and the year has come to an end. Sometimes I just want time to slow down.
Also, speaking of which. This morning I took the train to work. One of the new blue ones, first class and all the top windows in the second carriage was stolen! Mm need I say more?
My sis is leaving for Hajj in 3 weeks time and im overwhelmed just thinking about it. Im thinking of the kids, the preparations and the emotions my sis and her husband must be going through.

Ive got alot on my mind, but I need to go to bed.. before i babble continuously.

the little big things

2009-09-29T22:58:00.001+02:00

Subconciously, and sometimes, consciously, we emulate our parent(s). We just do. Whether we want to, or not. There will always be things we do exactly like them or actions we’ve learnt from them without realising it. What we deem to be ok and not ok and the boundaries we’ve created, usually stems from the way we’ve been raised, plus, obviously, our own life experiences. I am generalising, I know, because there are exceptions, which is obvious and which I don’t need to mention here...

Now that I am married, I do see what I’ve gained from my parents – the lessons, the little everyday things, which, really, became a huge part of my persona. Im not as pedantic as my parents, which is something Im happy about! But I have clearly gained a lot from the “little” everyday things they’ve taught me.

Here are a few things they’ve taught me...

Mother:
1. Try to look your best wherever you go, no matter your age.
2. Clean up and tidy, as you go, so that your home stays clean.
3. Make sure your home is tidy before you leave.
4. Keep walking, a lot. Its good for you.
5. Go for regular check-ups at the doctor.
6. When in doubt, keep the peace.
7. Routine is good.
8. A woman should always behave modestly.
9. Be creative.

Father:
1. Never let Quran reading slip. Recite regularly.
2. Always do things properly, never half-heartedly
3. You’ll never know until you try.
4. Try, try and try again, until you can do it.
5. Stay positive. Negative thinking keeps you back.
6. Always know whats happening in the world. Read the newspaper, watch the news.
7. Make sure your priorities are correct.
8. Be consistent.
9. Do things in moderation.

I gave them 9 each .. for now :)

There are more, but these are just a few to give you an idea. I might not do all of the above, all the time, but I try and its always in the back of my mind. Even though these things seem simple and ordinary.. the type of things most parents would teach their children, it has hugely contributed to who I am today and it was taught to me, mostly, by example. I’ve always believed that setting an example, is the best way to teach someone something you believe in.

Im not sure why I thought about this or why I shared it, but its just been on my mind lately.

Magically there are 10

2009-09-28T21:02:00.003+02:00

Im thinking about my career a lot lately... I always think that changing your career drastically, is a brave thing. But is it, really? Its all about quality of life... for me, at least.

Thinking back to school days, I still cant believe I wound up here, where I am and what I am. All of us, well, most of us, back then had dreams of changing the world, doing something meaningful, having great careers and lots of money, without the foggiest about what it really meant to be grown-up and have a career. Some of us had already chosen a career path without truly knowing ourselves. It was really a dream. We only truly get to know ourselves later. And if you were like me, having had gutter education (seems harsh, but looking at it today, we were badly disadvantaged in terms of education), you would know all too well the quality of career guidance you received, if any. Sometimes I feel angry just thinking about how pathetic life guidance was. For some, it never existed. But thats another topic on apartheid and I dont want to get all morbid on you. I dont blame my path in life on a lack of career guidance or life guidance, and shouldnt, but I do believe that better life orientation back then, would have definitely opened my mind a lot more. Hey, some people worse off than me, turned out to be extraodinary people, who changed the world.

Before I get to how I chose Computer Science as a career, let me list a few other career options I was interested in. Like most of you out there, I was interested in so many things and didnt have a clue as to what I wanted to do with my life. I was mostly confused and had too many interests. I read all the time, as you know, and the closer I got to finishing school, the more I read and the more confused I became about my place in this world. I wanted to see and do everything. It was all too hectic for my little brain! Luckily my parents put no pressure on me and I was free to do whatever I wanted.

Magically there are 10. How rounded of me :P So, in no particular order:

Computer Animator – I clearly remember the fascination with computer animation, round about in Standard 7 (Grade 9). I must have seen some or other animation on TV or at the movies and thought it would be cool to do. Not too surprising of a career choice, considering I could draw. At that point, I had no clue about my interest in anything scientific. All i knew was, I wanted to draw something and make it move... This fascination still sits with me today, to be honest. Computer graphics, the real deal, just excites me! .. but UCT made me realise that Im not made for the world of graphics. I dont have the brain..no, really :-/

Physiotherapist – I loved the medical world, because I was a whizz at biology at school and the human body is amazing. I could talk about it all the time. How physiotherapy came about, Im not sure. In Standard 8 (Grade 10), I was dead set on studying physiotherapy and I honestly cant remember what the appeal was. Perhaps I should have done it; it would have given me some arms :P

Architect - Beautiful buildings, leaving a physical piece of artwork, a legacy, drawing, science/maths, need I say more? The thought of eight years of study put me off. The real deal is eight years and I wouldnt have gone for anything else or similiar.. only the real McCoy would have satisfied me. Im afraid of heights too.

Fine Artist – Once again, no surprise. I wanted to study at UCT’s School of Fine Art – the only fine art degree in Cape Town. I had dreams of my art on exhibition, oil paintings and my work splashed all over the world. It just felt like an uncertain career at the time and I had no faith in my drawing skill at all. Now it doesnt, now that I know all about it and know a few people who have fine art degrees. Your options as a fine artist are so wide.. if I only knew back then.

Medical Doctor – I was matric (Grade 12), when I wished to study medicine. Only problem was, by then I’ve already chosen the wrong subjects at school... A dream shattered. Today, if i think about it, Im so glad that I never pursued medicine. I’ve become rather squeamish as I got older, considering blood and gore did absolutely nothing to me when I was younger. I think I would have also been too emotionally attached to patients.

Food Technologist – I love looking at food, eating food, working with food. But I just really wanted to work for Woolies Food department at the end of the day :) and looking at Woolies now, I should have. I love everything about their foodmarket, marketing, health standards, service, etc. I must have been either Standard 8 or 9 when this came to mind, but never really took it seriously. I didnt see it as a good enough career. Oh, how naive I was!

Dietician – Absolutely no idea why I considered this. Must have been end of matric when I was desperate to find something I wanted to do. All I remember is, I had the correct requirements, UWC offered a BSc Dietetics degree and UCT didnt. You needed to complete any BSc degree first, before being able to specialise in dietetics at UCT.

Make-up Artist – Even today, the thought of drawing bruises on someone’s face, sounds like having a ball :) I could draw, and had a knack for shading and a sharp eye for detail. It was a career that seemed glamorous, and funky at the time. I dont know why I never went into this. It might be the fact that I was brainwashed into thinking it wasnt good enough and that I needed to go to university and not waste my potential on such willy nilly things. You know how it was. I still have a keen interest in it though and wouldnt mind doing a short course.

Psychologist – This only came about when I studied psychology as my second major, although I knew deep down that I just wont be able to do it. Theoretically, I was good, but practically, it wasnt for me. No matter how much I would like to do it, in reality, I probably wont enjoy it. Analysis of people and their behaviour comes naturally to me and I found every course and project that I did, fascinating, but when it came to research and articulating my thoughts, I sucked.

Writer – Weren’t we all there at some point? Well, those who love reading, often dream of writing and publishing a book. I couldnt and still cant write. I was really bad at writing essays, especially creative ones. The same way some people wish they can draw, thats how much, if not more, I wish I could write. Most people believe that anyone can write, but Im not so sure. Guess Im just paranoid. All of you, who have a way with words, you guys are brilliant! Do you even know how much influence you already have in this world, by just writing? To be honest, writing a book is still the ultimate dream of mine.

As to how I got to Computer Science. It was a rather sad affair, but to cut a long story short, the degrees I wanted to do, I did not qualify for and so the only scientific degrees for which I had the correct requirements, were those with a mathematical base. Computer Science seemed the most interesting on the list, and so thats what I chose. I didnt have any prior computer knowledge, being deprived as I was, and had no clue that I was about to fry my brain for a couple of years. If I only knew that I was also to meet my future husband in one of the computer labs.

Ironic thing is, back in Standard 3(Grade 5), there was a boy in my class who wanted to be a computer scientist and I could clearly remember wondering what that was and how he knew he wanted to be one.. It really didnt sound like something very interesting at all.

A bit late...

2009-09-26T21:13:00.003+02:00

I know this is very late, but a belated Eid Mubarak to all of you! Hope it was a beautiful, blessed day for you all.

Its just been a rather tiring and draining time, ever since Eid. Getting back into the eating swing of things has been a bit hard. I think my stomach has literally gone into shock and is still recovering. Im taking it easy now, because my stomach either complains, or i just feel lethargic, as if all my energy for the day has been depleted.. Im still trying to comprehend why I feel this bad, because honestly, I dont ever recall having a problem getting back to eating.

It was my first Eid as a married woman and I thoroughly enjoyed the day. It was also my first Eid salaah. Before getting married, my mom wanted me home to help with whatever needs to be done at home and also, it was never the case where I was encouraged to go. So for me, experiencing Eid salaah was amazing. The muslim community organized a breakfast for the needy at the masjid nearby and invited all the women and kids for the salaah, which I thought to be a great way of getting the community together as well as something necessary. With the whole hype about women attending Eid salaah or not, it seemed rather fitting. So me and mom-in-law and both sis’s-in-law went, and we saw all the other women we know from the area as well. It was lovely to see such a great turn-out of women. We were invited to have a cup of tea and a snack, but i thought its better left to those who really need it.

After a long, busy and tiring day, my stomach was aching, even though I tried playing safe by not eating weirdly. Seems it didnt work. Then yesterday, for National Heritage Day/Braai day, we braai’d at a friends house and I felt as if i couldnt stop eating. For some reason I wasnt getting full and never realised I ate too much. Only later, when my stomach ached. I was so disgusted with myself, considering we just stopped fasting. Eating actually feels indulgent to me now. I feel as if I shouldnt be eating. One of the many lessons you do learn while fasting – that food is there only for sustenance, fuel and nothing else. I think once we all truly realise that, things will fall into perspective quite quickly. If we learn that we only eat to sustain ourselves and not to entertain ourselves, we will be a lot healthier. We will also eat more moderately and most likely never be overweight. But when it comes to food, its hard to get through to ourselves, let alone other people.

Its been a month without cooking for me, so now its kind of strange to get back into it again. I enjoy cooking for M, so Im happy to get back to the kitchen.

Onto current things: Heritage day has just made me rather lazy and now I feel as if I need a nice lengthy holiday. The cool, fresh spring air is so inviting.. light rain, fresh breezes, without needing your jersey or coat :) Lazy days, just lounging around and breathing fresh air, seeing new places, is what I need. But holidays are far off for me, because my sister will be leaving for Hajj mid-October, so there are busy times coming up in the next few weeks. Im crying inside, now already, for the 4 kids she is leaving behind. Thats another post altogether!

Its my birthday coming up next week, so I think il take the day off. No real plans yet at this stage, but just a day of not being at work, is good enough for me at this point :)

Hope you guys are having a splendid weekend. I had my hair cut today :) Theres just something about cutting your hair that makes you feel good, isnt it?

making the most of it...

2009-09-09T21:34:00.003+02:00

For some or other reason, I’ve been craving chocolate this entire Ramadaan. In fact, any sweet treats, but mainly anything to do with chocolate. Its like I’m tasting chocolate for the first time all over again. I’ve had something sweet almost every night this Ramadaan. I dont think I’ve ever eaten chocolate in Ramadaan before this year. Its a little bit strange for me to just suddenly crave to eat a Ferrero Roche or block of slab chocolate?! I’m obviously lacking some sugar.
Outside of Ramadaan I dont usually eat alot of chocolate either. I tend to go through phases of eating it. Il go for months without even wanting to eat it.

Last night my sis-in-law had a chocolate recipe book and paging through it, was like chocolate heaven for me. I wanted to make and eat all of it!

So lately, most nights, just before bed, its a block of chocolate...or two.

Perhaps its just hormones.

Besides all that... you know those days where you feel as if you have the world? That life is short and you want to make the most out of everything you do and see? Like you want to capture moments in time and cherish them forever? When you really feel as if life is short and you want to be thankful for everything you currently have?

Yes? Well, I’ve been feeling like that for the past few weeks. But more than usual, and all the time. Like its amplified. . Like I want to box every happy moment at that moment, and just never let it go. Because I know that I can lose it all tomorrow. Theres really more to lose in life, than gain isnt it?

These days I look at M, and feel like this is but a fleeting moment and that I need to cherish every single moment I have with him. Every nuance in his face, every smile, every shared joy. Just being able to see him, is a blessing. He may not be here tomorrow.. Something I fear to be honest. Losing someone you love, puts fear in all of us.. The same feeling goes for everything else. Everything I feel I have been blessed with – friends, family, home, food, my job etc. This sounds rather cliche, but when it hits home, you feel it all the time. You’re aware. The consciousness makes you appreciate all those things you take for granted. Time is precious, and I’m often guilty of wasting it.

All of this must be for a reason. I feel as if I now need to make improvements in my life. There is this sudden urge. Focus on whats really important and to just stop and think, before doing. But also enjoy life at the same time. Make the most of opportunities presenting itself. I feel like I get stuck in everyday activities, without thinking about them, without slowing down, without knowing whats good for me and what isnt. I just carry on, carry on, without making improvements, without realising the purpose of it all, without really living in the moment.

I guess its all really about knowing how to live my life beautifully. A beautiful life isnt about the fancy homes, the clothes, the careers, or the gadgets. Its about having faith, being content with what I have, being thankful for every small blessing, making the most of what I have and doing the best I can do at whatever I do, no matter how small, because it counts.

I’ve been feeling the urge to spring clean – decluttering, declutters my brain and gives me a sense of direction in life. Its got nothing to do with Spring, I swear. Thats just a coincidence :) But nothings better than having a tidy home... I feel like a new me, afterwards. I can then concentrate on myself, decluttering my head and try to improve the quality of my life. I need to set some time aside for this in this very busy month.

I now need to spend some precious time with M :) If you realise how lucky you are everyday, you’ll smile alot more...

Perhaps a piece of chocolate wont hurt :P

A few spare minutes...

2009-09-07T22:36:00.005+02:00

So i have a few spare minutes to post something. Nothing significant. You know how there is hardly time for anything during Ramadaan. But I saw this on Azra's page and decided to do it. So i did my own novel cover.. This is how mine turned out. Nothing creative.

Here's hoping il actually write a novel one day :P

Create your own debut novel cover:
1. Go to “Fake Name Generator” or click http://www.fakenamegenerator.com/ The name that appears is your author name.

2. Go to “Random Word Generator” or click http://www.websitestyle.com/parser/randomword.shtml The word listed under “Random Verb” is your title.

3. Go to “FlickrCC” or click http://flickrcc.bluemountains.net/index.phpType your title into the search box. The first photo that contains a person is your cover.

4. Use Photoshop, Picnik or something similar to put it all together. Be sure to crop and or zoom in.

5. Post it to your blog along with this text.

You're all welcome to do this :)

Ramadaan has been going well Algamdulillah - this, being my first Ramadaan as a married woman. For some reason this year it seems as if we've just been invited out for iftaar far too many times. Perhaps it just feels that way, because on a number of occasions we've actually had guests over as well. The evenings always seem busier than normal and we also seem to be driving more than usual. Im not quite sure why. There always seems to be something to buy or someone to visit. I now truly understand why married people are always so busy. theres just more family to visit and places to go, in general.

Thinking about this month, I'v mostly been reflecting on what I have and how I should stop moaning in my head. We are so blessed, but something as stupid as a bad day at work, can make you forget all that you have, that others out there can only dream of.

So if nothing else, make shukr for what you have - your breath, your eyesight, your limbs, your husband, your home, etc.

On a lighter note, lately Ive been craving to cook and get busy in the kitchen, everything from food to puddings and even smoothies. We eat with M's family this month, so I dont need to cook, besides the odd salad or side dish on weekends, so im a bit cooking-deprived. Whenever M catches me reading, its always a new recipe. Im ALMOST addicted! I think my recipe books are rivalling my novels and other book collections already. I've already picked out puddings for Eid :)

Well, my few minutes are up. Hope you guys are having a splendid, fruitful Ramadaan.

*Typing this, I actually wasted a third of M's special cup of coffee he made me... now's really not the time to forget to drink my coffee!

Anticipating...

2009-08-11T23:13:00.002+02:00

We werent meant to have a lovely long weekend in the sun, we just werent... M got sick on Friday night, giving me a scare and a half as usual, so we practically spent the whole weekend at home. well, mostly. Its really scary to see him sick. Im not sure why I felt so scared, but its scary! And it was only a stomach bug. Must be hormones or something.. but it didnt feel like it.

We received our wedding photo album on Saturday afternoon, plus the DVD and a CD with our photos. I can see why they took so long, cos they did an amazing job. DVD cover was made to look like a movie poster and the works. They even framed a photo for us as a gift. But being the perfectionist I am, I still believe we/him could have done better. Yep, thats just who I am and obviously my un-photogenic-ness doesnt help the situation. M looks good on photos though.

So that night we watched the video with my in-laws and went through the album a hundred times over and laughed at our friends' and family messages. I hate seeing myself on video, and from the looks of it, I wont be one of those people that end up in Hollywood :P Heck, I wont even make SABC! Have you ever noticed how different you seem when looking at yourself on TV?

Sunday we spent the evening re-watching the video with my parents, even though M was not feeling 100%. But Algamdullilah, yesterday he felt alot better, after getting enough rest, and we managed to go for a drive and eventually watch a movie. It might not have been an amazing weekend, but I think the rest was good for both of us.

Even though i spent alot of time at home doing nothing much, napping, etc, while the sun was beckoning me to go outside, the weekend still felt extremely short. Too short, even though i didnt have anything to do. I never managed to fit in a massage. Il just have to bribe M ;)

But back to work - an ex-colleague of mine from a different site, joined our team. And his really good to work with. So im thinking, that maybe the change came to me and I didnt need to look for it. Im thinking that perhaps he will spur on the motivation that i need at work.. hmm..just thinking. Perhaps this is a sign that interesting stuff will come my way. A system that im done with, a new motivated colleague... what would you make of it?

Oh I also received a new Dell laptop today...

Theres no such thing as co-inky-dink :)

Nothing much

2009-08-07T22:48:00.002+02:00

This morning, M was sweet and made some breakfast for us while I was in the shower. I call it “breakfast in car”, as breakfast in bed is rather difficult to achieve before work. Yes, we do somehow manage to eat breakfast in the car without messing, (thus far) don’t ask. Our coffee flasks miraculously fit into the cupholders of both our cars. Warm coffee first thing on a cold morning – perfect! I have a super-sweet husband, and I sometimes feel bad for not being as sweet back. Bad I am…

Nothing much has been happening lately, so I don’t have anything interesting to post. Im just happy that this application Ive been developing for the last 3 months is finally going live within a few days and I can move onto something new and something hopefully different from what I have been doing. I just need change, desperately.

Thursday the 13th, my company is organizing a breakfast for the women staff to celebrate Women’s month. I enjoy a good breakfast and its also a good time to get to know some of the other permanent staff better. Should be nice.

Speaking of which… Ramadaan is around the corner. A month which always seem to come around quicker than expected. My first Ramadaan as a married woman… Im hoping il be able to handle the kitchen affairs well enough without konking over and still have a happy husband, especially since we get home so late at night. Thankfully, he is rather helpful and attentive, so im hoping we’ll cope ok. Knowing our moms, they’ll both probably donate some goodies we can keep in the freezer, or just something for that night, which will relieve us immensely. The nature of mothers. M’s mom is also incredibly sweet. He must get that trait from her.

On that, I never quite understood this trend among many Muslims. The trend Im talking about, is the one where a get-together is organized a week or so before the month of Ramadaan. An event with eating of course, such as a lunch, or a braai. And many a time, its as if it’s a compulsory activity – a tradition almost, every year. At this time we should be preparing ourselves spiritually and not stuff ourselves with feasts, before fasting. I believe in eating less the month before, perhaps fasting, or just preparing yourself spiritually. There are so many more beneficial activities that we can do that week before than socialise and eat your heart out…. Its not about the food, is it? Im not saying that we should only do Ibadah then. It should be throughout the year, but often we busy ourselves with our hectic schedules and never consciously make the time for it. We all know that’s true for a lot of us. For any visitor, we would prepare the house and clean it, but when Ramadaan comes to our doorstep, we sometimes forget to prepare and spruce up ourselves, physically and spiritually. Its as if the onset of Ramadaan is an excuse to fit in all your social activities before then and eat as much as you can, which in actual fact is the opposite of what is recommended. Personally, I just don’t understand that and have never felt the need to do it. It just feels wrong to me. We all know our personal intentions.

Just my two cents worth.

Have a great long weekend and Women’s day. I might go for a massage, cos my back has got rocks inside of it!

And Ramadaan Kareem to all of you, in case I don’t get another chance to post.

How funny

2009-07-19T19:22:00.002+02:00

Past Wednesday, Murphy’s law decided to take over. And oh how funny it was.

Let me explain: for the past 3 months, Ive been writing a portal application for our intranet at work. I worked hard at it and enjoyed it, until recently, when I started getting bored. This always happens to me. I get bored with anything that drags on for too long, regardless of new technology or not. In this case, it was new. In the past few weeks though, I had to up my game. The pressure was on me to get this app done, because business wants it to “go live” mid-July.

Wednesday, we had to meet with the user, and the IT director for user acceptance testing. Basically the user had to give us the go-ahead to go live with the system. So Monday and Tuesday, I was fighting fires at work, killing bugs and the like. Tried working at home Tuesday night and found even more bugs in the system and had to fix those Wednesday morning – what a headache. Fixed it and Voila! Its working perfectly. I tested, over and over. My team lead did his own testing, over and over. The BA tested, over and over. Perfect. We were ready.

When we got to the boardroom for the demo, Murphy decided to be there as well and demanded his laws upon our systems. Firstly, we couldn’t find any network cables and had to prowl the room. Eventually we found some. Plugged it in, all fine. Until 3 minutes later – when we realised the cable was faulty. No connection to the network. Then we had to try another cable. This time it worked. Only there was another problem - the URL of the portal didn’t work. After numerous tries, it worked. But then, of course, the demonstrator’s password decided not to work. My team lead logged in and it didn’t work either. They tried multiple times, until I offered to log in. Mine worked.

But then, that network cable went faulty too. So we had to move the laptop to the back of the room, at another network point.

At this point, the user as well as the IT director arrived, with us shuffling around with cables and logons. I logged on again, everything’s fine at this point and we begin the demo.

After about 10min into the demo, everything was still going well, except for the fact that the resolution of the guy’s new laptop was wack and the user wasn’t too happy to see him scrolling too much.

The main feature of the app was its searching and reporting capabilities and we were eager to show the user what it can do. We hit the “Search” button, and the system just hung, continually. Normally this action would take a second, so our natural conclusion was that there had to be something wrong with the server we’re running it on. My team lead phones my colleague to look into it. We eventuallydecided to kill the session and run it directly from the back-end system where my code resides and the same thing happened! At this point, I almost laughed. It was ridiculous. Everyone in the room, feeling rather awkward. I mean we’ve tested the app at least 20 times that morning and this… infront of a user and the IT Director.

Eventually we decided to go to the IT Director’s office to see if it would work there, assuming its not a network issue. The beauty of his office, simmered us down just a little bit and detracted us from the fact that it still wasn’t working! The worst thing you can do in IT, is to explain capabilities in words with no visual proof. But that’s what we had to resign to.

The user gave us some new requirements, and so the system wont go live at this point. But I am ok with that. What I wasn’t ok with, was the reason for my system hanging on the search function . When I got back to the office, my colleague told me the reason it was hanging, was because theres a bug in our binary search algorithm. The way it stands now, it wont work on the 15th and 16th of this month. And… yes. It was the 15th that day. What it doesn’t explain though, is why it worked before the demo?! Perhaps its time-dependant as well? Hmph.

Murphy can be nasty hey?

my brain needs a change.. not a swap

2009-07-03T15:36:00.004+02:00

You know those days when you feel as if you’re wasting your true potential? Like your daily career is just not doing any justice to what you can truly achieve in life? Well, today is one of those days for me. Right now, I feel as if I am stagnating and that I can really do a lot more than just programming for a living. Programming – it is the way we all think, naturally, without knowing it. Us programmers, just have the ability to put it down one instruction at a time, in the correct order.

Its really my own fault for not exploring whats out there, but its more than just that. For me, its about finding out what it is that truly makes use of your very unique individual talents. I often wonder why its so difficult to find out what exactly that is..honestly, how long does it take? And how many people out there, is actually using their full potential? I do feel as if I have loads of potential and sometimes I get an inkling of what it might be, but I often prove myself wrong. I think of myself as someone capable of doing quite a bit, but not being particularly good at anything. This is from experience. Im sort of a jill of all trades, master of none.

Perhaps, one day Il find out.
Even if you do find it, to then find a suitable career can be a long process in itself. Is it even about finding a career?

To be honest, I just think most of us are too afraid of our own true potential.. just my opinion. Most of us, tend to hide what we all know in order to blend in and just find it hard to defy the norms.

On the topic of exploring: Im trying to get my creative side back again, which I lost hecticly in my training to be a computer scientist. Daily at work, its being pushed further and further away, due to the forced logical thinking I have to cultivate and strengthen. Not to mention, the culture of my industry, shuns any sort of creative behaviour, unless you’re of the opinion that programs can be creatively written…. Together with that I also lost my memory, because I no longer needed to remember anything..but lets not talk about that again.

I now fully understand how so many people could not be creative. It was something easy and natural to me. Whether it was drawing, writing poems, making collages, or whatever else creative, it just seemed natural. Now that im in the space of being forced to think laterally, I too, find it hard to just let my brain flow and can identify with those who cant. Its such a foreign feeling, still.

The nice thing is: I know I still have it somewhere. I just need to find it again.
Im thinking of drawing again and perhaps learning to scrapbook. On top of that: just do anything to exercise my brain a bit more. Im tired of solving puzzles though. It’s the same way I have to think at work and most of the time, it ends up being easy.

Perhaps something outside of the box – like try to write stories, learn oil painting, or use my left hand instead of my dominant right all the time :P Mmm.

Im of the opinion, the more you do, the more skills you have, and thus the more you can do. I should start telling myself that more often.

Its just one of those days. ..

Being Mrs. A, cravings and a muddled mind

2009-06-26T15:54:00.007+02:00

Its been forever since I have blogged.. what.. about a month and half? Even though so much has been happening, I neglected to find anything to post about. There was a lot to say and yet nothing to say. But today I feel I can write something and work has just been hectic for the last 2 weeks, so blogging will distract me for just a little while.

With my new 23” (second) Samsung monitor at work, Im trying my hardest not to be distracted by this huge screen, displaying code, in my right peripheral vision. Its proving to be hard. One thing, I love this monitor.. I can see every window in my coding editor without having to scroll anywhere :) The resolution is just perfect for the applications Im using.

Onto more important things: Married life is wonderful!… The strangest thing I found within that first week of being married, is that being called “wife” and calling my husband “husband”, and even wearing my ring, was anything but novel to me. It just felt normal, not new, exciting, or interesting, as I expected it to be. At most, my ring felt a bit uncomfortable, but that was about it. I just kind of fell into it, in a contented, relaxed state of mind and so everything just felt “normal”. It wasn’t a heady, exciting or nerve-wracking event, and so there was none of that gleeful rush in my head. I was probably the most relaxed bride everyone saw in a while. I was content and happy. The way I wanted to feel.

We’re doing well, adjusting to living together, and slowly but surely getting into a workable routine, except having to fight with ourselves, and the duvet, before getting out of bed when we should :D Living so far away from work, has now forced me, Miss Slaapkous, to wake up earlier than usual to get to work, which is so hard. I loved my get-up-at-8-or-when-I-feel-like-it routine I used to have.

Its been a month and half now, and as busy as married life is, we’re slowly getting used to it, last minute errands and all. We have a good laugh at our newlywed blunders and enjoy having no curfew! And I am grateful that everything is going well, algamdulillah. I reckon it can only get better from now onwards :) Insha-Allah. Its amazing how suddenly you’re part of a unit now and everything you do is done as a unit or part of it, but never really alone. Space is important, but even that is still done with your partner in mind.

All I can say is, I would recommend anyone to get married. It really is worth it, especially if you’re going into it with the correct intentions. It’s a whole new dimension to life, which brings mostly good things.

Im now anticipating the wedding photos and video, which we will probably only receive within the next month. No-one told me that posing for wedding photos was so hard.. there goes my dream of becoming a model :P

Its been an interesting year thus far: I ventured marriage, my father turned 60, my sister-in-law is getting married in a weeks time, my sister has been accredited for Hajj this year, my boss’s wife (my colleague) retired, as well as gave birth 2 days ago to a baby girl, Cape Town has had its worst storms and of course, a year in history: Micheal Jackson and Farah Fawcett died. Whats next, I wonder?

A few things Ive learnt recently:

- M can be as sweet as he can be naughty.
- I can have less sleep than I usually do and actually still function at work (mostly!)
- Afrikaans is classified as a low Franconian West Germanic.
- I love having my own kitchen and trying out new recipes.
- Star Trek rates as one of my favourite movies of all time.
- Cape Town’s weather can be scarier than you think!

On a current note: Ive been craving to go clothing and shoe shopping lately. That and toast with melted crunchy peanut butter. oh and notebooks and being creative. I just bought a new red moleskine.. gorgeous stuff. Believe me, its not normal for me to just buy clothes and shoes, randomly. Im used to going without clothes shopping for sometimes 6 months at a time. I still wear clothes from 3 yrs back and still seem to be fashionable. I guess I pick more classical clothes that hardly go out of fashion – im careful like that and it works for me.

I have a boot design in my head and Im hoping someone out there sells it. Might sound weird, but I usually visualise what i want, before going out to shop.

Now I have too much to say. So before I randomly spit out a million things that doesn’t flow, I think Il stop right here. Sorry for this rather rushed, muddled post.

Hope you have a great weekend… mine will be spent, mostly shopping and possibly watching more Bones with M :)

lets take a break...

2009-04-09T20:04:00.006+02:00

So amidst all the wedding madness, Im actually making the time to do this tag.

Its a good excuse to think about all the things that cheer me up!

Tag notes:
List 7 things you love and then tag 7 bloggers to do the same. They should also download the Kreativ Blogger award image and upload it to their blog.

So, here's mine:

1. M :)

2. a hearty breakfast and a good cup of coffee, preferably a cappuccino, first thing.

3. Books - the reading type, the writing type and the drawing type.

4. Chocolate.

5. Being surrounded by nature and smelling the clean, fresh air.

6. Decor and anything beautiful/stylish

7. Peace and quiet.

You're all welcome to do this :)

The annoying loose ends

2009-04-03T13:16:00.002+02:00

Sorry that I havent been around to update you guys on the wedding preparations. Its just been a bit hectic for me lately, so I quickly grabbed this chance to post something. Im feeling a bit nauseous ever since I had water from the water cooler just now, so Im struggling to concentrate on work and decided to take a short break and do something mindless, hence blogging :)

Currently the little things need to get sorted out, such as finalising headgears, buying gifts, music, fittings, etc. But these things are actually the most work and Im really not enjoying all the driving around. Im taking it one step at a time though, especially the endless shopping. Im trying not to panic over nothing, because really, it is nothing! So Im still sane :) I need to get some help though, because constant running around alone, is rather exhausting and I like my naps and coffee breaks, because well, I might then go insane, if I don’t have that!

It hasn’t sunk in yet, that im getting married within 5 weeks time. It still kind of seems like something in the future, not the present. But maybe that’s a good thing, because Im likely to stress if it has sunk in. I don’t even feel excited yet. Perhaps if I see something tangible, like my dress, or the kiddies’ dresses, will I then get all excited, but who knows. I just need all this preps to end.. its rather annoying and the day to come already. I don’t know how people can enjoy it. I think they’re just convincing themselves its fun. I cant pretend that it is, so I wont. Guess Im just a lazy bugger and so all this is too much effort! Convenience is my middle name.

Ive become rather organized lately, what with all the planning, preparations and sorting out my life before getting married. But maybe il post something on that another time.

For now, I need to get back to coding, even though the only thing on my mind right now is food. I need lunch – something yummy like pasta mmm…

Jumuah Mubarak to you all :)

3 minute contemplation

2009-03-17T10:43:00.005+02:00

I am a “why” and “how” person. I was one of those annoying kids who always asked “why” a hundred times and wanted to know everything about everything. Today, still, Il randomly wonder about arb things, my mind drifting anywhere and everywhere all the time, while still concentrating on the task at hand. Well, as far as I know. Maybe I only think Im not daydreaming?... I often wonder about the strangest things, like what makes my car appear to be tilting , when its not? Or what the resolution is, of that huge Johnny Walker poster on the side of the building. How huge must that printer be and how long does it take to print?

Apparently this trait is synonymous with scientific thinking. It makes sense, but at the same time, I dont believe that theory, because Im always asking “why”, but I would definitely not consider myself to be anywhere near scientific in my thinking. I have limited logical capabilities and Im not even ashamed to mention it. I might have a BSc degree, but that was sheer luck that I got through those brain-numbing years.

Saturday, I was sitting in Seattle Coffee, waiting on M to finish placing our order, and my mind possibly drifted to at least 10 different things in that 3 minutes. I looked over at the bookshelf diagonally opposite, noticed the Time magazine, thinking about how much I like reading it, then wondered if I shouldn’t subscribe. Then I changed my mind, and realised that by not subscribing, I would save paper. Then I wondered about the business process involved in receiving a new subscription order. How would that work? Does the warehouse where the magazines get printed, receive an order to print an X amount of extra magazines? (I have no clue about the publication process, so forgive me ). I wondered about the program/system being used to track new/pending/expired subscriptions and who is responsible for the admin. Is it entirely automated? Or is there manual intervention? Yes, I was thinking like a typical programmer. At the same time I was imagining some woman at her pc, logging new subscriptions.

I couldnt decide whether time slows down or rushes by, when sitting in a coffee shop. Just sitting there, observing the flow of people in and out of the coffee shop, in and out of Exclusive Books, solo readers, casual browsers, some deep into a magazine at the bookshelf... how many of those people actually had an important goal coming to the mall that day? Is it just retail therapy? A serious escape? Or part of a hectic schedule? We’re all supposedly busy people, living our lives, doing this and that, but, here we are reading and slowly sipping our coffee, whilst life passes us by so quickly. I could almost vividly see that ticking clock hanging over our heads. And those magazines and books innocently paraded on the shelves – filled with stories, events, ideas, news, politics, photography, fashion and covers splashed with faces of influential people. All just a depiction of whats happening outside, put onto paper, for us to read life and not see it. People are out there doing things and I am here, passive, pondering, just sitting here and wondering why I feel as if I am doing nothing in this world. A flawed perception of course. Every action of mine has influence too, no matter how small, but when you’re in a coffee shop, you’re so very aware of what you’re not doing, simply because you have a chance to see and read it around you. You magnify your current lifestyle and your potential one. You’re suddenly noticing people’s demeanour, their beautiful handbags, their choice of coffee, the possible designer next to you, because of his reading material, or perhaps its a dreamer or budding entrepreneur. At the same time, you’re just taking it with a pinch of salt.

So 3 minutes later, M comes over and I wake up from my thoughts, which went from “why” and “how” to “am I too idle?”, whilst perhaps also drooling in my mind over notebooks I want to buy, things I need to do and how baristas get trained for working at Seattle coffee.. then obviously, my attention could only be on two things – my time with M at Seattle and sipping on my lovely cappuccino.

We call them stalkers...

2009-03-09T17:34:00.004+02:00

Saturday evening, my close friend F and her husband invited us over for some cake and tea (which ended up being more about juice and doughnuts..) to catch up and somehow the conversation lead to school and the friends we had back then. F and I met at high school and pretty much kept the friendship going since then, even though we are rather completely different people… except for one bizarre thing. Taking that trip down school memory lane, in all animation, and laughs, relaying all the crazy school stories we had and even crazier people we knew, the guys had to poke fun about us attracting the wrong people as friends. Which only sounded as if they insulted themselves, which then shut them up :D But they had a point… the one thing F and I had in common, is that we both had “stalkers” at school. For use of a better word.

Ok, we call them stalkers, because, well, we are not quite sure what to call them. Maybe something like “freaky fans” would be more suitable, but Im not sure. The words I can think of, is probably a bit too weird or bad to mention here. What are these freaky fans? They are fellow girls, whom we initially thought to be decent friends, but turned out to actually want to be like us! They generally followed us around wherever we went, tried forcing friendship, intruded on our conversations, at times also belittled us, but at the same time, clung to us like sticky goo, believing that we loved them ten fold in return. They honestly do believe that we loved them as their best friends, and forced their way in into everything we did..

In particular, there was this girl who firmly believed that she and F were best friends and followed her around on school. It didn’t matter how much F ignored her, or angrily dismissed her, she had it all in her head that F cared. Even now, after many years, she found out on Facebook that F was married and promptly asked why she wasn’t invited to the wedding. So in actual fact, she still hasn’t stopped stalking. F consequently de-registered from Facebook and we had a laugh about that..

In my case, it was a fellow classmate who tried to be me. She copied everything I did, and even got silently upset that her hair wasn’t like mine and as a result tried to curl mine like hers, which didn’t work either. F and I were invited to her house and found the evidence of all the things she tried to copy and those she actually did. That was the end for me..
I found out later that she went to see a psychologist. To be honest, she really wasn’t a bad person, there was just something missing in her life.

I then realised that I had a “stalker” at all 3 schools that I attended. Primary school, the girl was rather physically forceful and literally dragged me away from all my other friends during lunch. I was so glad she left the school. Then the first high school I attended, there was this girl who forced friendship between us and followed me around, but later on became insanely jealous if I just so much as talk to another girl. I soon became her enemy. Then I was glad, that this time, I left the school! Only to meet another stalker at the next school…

We had good fits of laughter and gasps, reminiscing, over granadilla juice and nuts… but back then, it was as freaky as they come.

M was just a bit worried that we had druggies as classmates at school, which we shared laughs with. He was just worried I would bring them to our house one day and they’d leave bags of drugs in our cupboards. I told him not to worry :D

Reminiscing with old friends is a lot of fun :) But make sure you have something yummy to eat at hand and something to drink for all that laughter.

So who of you had “stalkers”?

Dream job

2009-03-06T23:44:00.005+02:00

Its late, Im in bed, having toast with strawberry jam and its stuffy, humid, scorching hot in this house. I swear ceiling fans are waste of money. You have to stand right below the fan to feel any cool air. Seriously, this heat is unbearable and I have rhinitis, so sleeping with the fan on is a no-no. But the way i feel now, I might just do it. Cape Town seems to be experiencing a hectic heatwave and its March! It doesnt help that we hardly have any ozone layer above us, here in the south. You can feel your skin burning. Please wear sunscreen if you ever decide to visit South Africa (or Australia, or any southern country) in summer.

The weather forecast is not looking good. Apparently its something like 35 or higher on Sunday. Poor Argus cyclers.

I feel as if I wll never forget this heat... im in a historical moment right now. The week of heat in Cape Town, March 2009. Who will ever forget that?

On to other things... Im a huge fan of the series Bones. Im sure you guys have watched it. An ex-colleague of mine introduced me to this series, because he was convinced I would like it, but more so, because he told me that I reminded him of Bones. i.e Temperance Brennan. That obviously got me curious, and then after watching one episode of season 3, I didnt know whether him thinking that I am like her was a good thing or bad thing. For those who know Brennan, Im sure you will understand what I mean! Firstly, I dont have her brain, how i wish. And secondly, Im not that beautiful. I think I am definitely more socially apt than she is, who isnt? But anyway, my colleague soon changed his mind when he realised how much I wasnt like her, personality-wise. Amazing what other people see, isnt it? To make it clear, I am nothing like her..

Well, after that one episode, I had to see more. I introduced it to M, he thought it was cool, so he bought me the DVD set of Season 1. We had a ball watching it together and then sadly it was all over and now I want season 2. Its not as riveting as Prison Break, or 24, or whatever else, but it just has a nice mix of what I like. CSI-like, mixed with comedy, and new age technology. Have you seen Angela's equipment? M and I were trying to comprehend how her software works.

I dream of being like Angela. I can draw, I can program, but unfortunately my neurons are not firing quickly enough to have a job like that. Im supposedly a computer scientist, specialised in scientific computing, a so-so pencil artist, but here I am in the world of SAP. I realised how SAP is just way too business-like for someone like me. No wonder I get bored so often at work. Im thinking of perhaps finally doing what I feel most qualified for. Not SAP, or web development, (or similiar) but something that excites me in the scientific world. What that is, I dont know. But thats just an entertaining thought for now. My dream, would be to be as good as Angela - write sophisticated software as quickly as she does, especially graphical and scientific software. Combine my career with art, in some form.

On the techno front, Im currently drooling over Ergotron and a funky home office setup.

The real Temperance Brennan, or rather Kathy Reichs, has a new novel out, called Devil Bones. Im currently reading it and was I ever confused, when the same characters of Bones wasnt in it? Temperance was there, but no-one else. I just assumed the series was based on her books. The series, is much better. And thats says something, because Im born-reader. I would still recommend the books though, the writing is good. I just think the series is far more entertaining. No offence to Kathy Reichs - its almost inevitable, that her books will be good, considering her intelligence levels.

Im inlove with the series and I am way behind. I need to twist M's arm to get me Season 2.

Right now I need to try to sleep in this heat.
Whats your dream job?

Even more...

2009-03-02T15:12:00.004+02:00

Nielfa tagged whoever read her post, so here I am giving you 25 random things about me.
I know Ive unwrapped myself recently, but hey, I felt like posting something but didn’t have anything else.
So read on, if you are interested:

1. Im generally a very restless, fidgety person and I get bored very quickly. I am currently bored with work, thus blogging :P

2. I love Autumn.

3. I have a younger sister that has Down Syndrome and thus know quite a lot about this rather interesting disorder.

4. I have an acute sense of taste and smell.

5. Most people tell me that I look a few years younger than what I am, until I open my mouth of course :P Im not sure if looking young is a good or bad thing.

6. I love home décor and am always surfing décor sites and going into décor shops. My dream home would have lots of white, and lots of pieces that are stylish and practical, with dual functionality – like chairs that serve as storage space, cabinets that can wheel around, expanding shelves, .. or anything that looks beautiful but serves a purpose. Im a neat freak so good storage is essential.

7. On that, I would love a home office as well as a library in my home. (dreeeaming!)

8. I used to have a really good memory. At school, I could memorise easily and even knew on which line and page a sentence was in my notes. Recalling an event, would mean remembering the smell, the clothes, the weather, the feelings, everything. My memory goes back to the age of four. But ever since my technical career training, I lost most of that ability, because I didn’t need memory skills anymore. It was the scariest thing ever losing my good memory. I felt like I lost the biggest part of my brain and myself.

9. My taste in clothes and colours and sense of style are almost identical to that of my mom. The strange thing is, the styles of when she was my age are back in and I am the same age, wearing the same styles.

10. The combination of a couch, a good book and a mug of coffee is a sure way to make me happy.

11. I generally prefer watching action movies the most, as compared to other types. If the PG rating has an ‘N or S’ in it, I usually boycott it, unless whoever is with me really wants to watch it then I will.

12. Im not a fan of Leon Schuster and never will be.

13. I don’t like processed meats, especially sausage and polony.

14. I love back and neck massages and love it when someone plays with my hair.

15. Im inlove with nature and always have been.

16. I can keep a pen/pencil in almost any manner in my hand and have a few handwritings. My most used one is the least neat.

17. I am right handed but can write with my left hand too. Im not ambidextrous though. My mom is ambidextrous and it still amazes me.

18. I think im too skinny.

19. Maths fascinates me.

20. Im disappointed that I don’t do enough to save this planet. i.e im not “green” enough.

21. I have a big appetite and love eating, but its in my nature not to overdo anything.

22. When I was a child, …actually when I was a teen as well, I could look at anything, whether scary, gory or gross and it was all fine. Even if it was in real life. Now that Im older, Ive become rather typically girly and cant stand looking at bloody or yucky things, even on TV.

23. Im afraid of not being able to have kids one day. I love kids, so I sometimes get paranoid.

24. I hardly every stress about anything.

25. I love warm toast with melting crunchy peanut butter.

Now its your turn :)

Non the wiser

2009-02-26T15:00:00.003+02:00

Princess shared a beautiful post called Takabbur – Pride today. Pride is something I have wanted to blog about for a while but was a bit weary of coming across the wrong way. But when I read this post, I just had to write about it, because many a times, and so many days, this very thing called pride, can bother me. In fact, it actually baffles me, more than it bothers me.

Since my teenage years, I have noticed that many people, at least 2 decades older than me, would display pride in being the age that they are. I have often heard them mumble about how “youngsters of today no longer show respect”. I don’t mean in the general conversation way, but only when a younger person or maybe a child “disrespected” them, in what they perhaps perceived to be disrespect. I was disappointed. Firstly it didn’t make sense to me and secondly, even if the child/person showed disrespect - expecting respect from a younger person, simply because they are younger, and then getting angry, because there was none, is as if you feel that you should be given respect. Theres this air of superiority associated to that. Treating people like underlings, as if they know nothing, really gives the wrong impression of elders.

This type of character is rather immature in my opinion. I have seen older people ask for respect, or get angry because you didn’t greet them. I cannot believe that these are the people who generally tell you, that they are wise and they understand life and people. But not once have I seen that wisdom expressed in words or displayed. Maybe it’s a generation attribute, a consequence of sociology in this country, a way of thinking, which makes sense in their world. For me wisdom goes a lot deeper and its really all about being humble. Respect is mutual. Getting angry with someone younger for not showing respect, is in fact, not showing any respect. The receiver will most likely then not want to respect you.

Another form which pride can take, is that of underestimating someone that is younger than you. We’ve all been there. I have noticed that some people judge firstly according to first impressions. If you look young, they believe you are younger and so still naïve. Never underestimate younger people. They might even be wiser than yourself. That eighteen year old might have tons of wisdom, simply because of the life he/she has had. I personally don’t underestimate children, or any person younger than myself, simply because I have been underestimated for a number of reasons and also because it just reeks of smugness.

With every new generation, comes new wisdom which the previous generation never had at that age. And so simply believing that someone wont know something because of their age, can be rather close-minded. Yes, they might not be wise yet, but never assume that they havent had certain experiences or the mind to understand something you only realised yesterday.

When I mentored a little girl that was abused and came from a disadvantaged life, both socially, economically and educationally, I realised that kids are first and foremost brilliantly perceptive and intuitive and then secondly, those particular kids which I met, and many others like them, have been through the worst of experiences for their age. They carry life lessons and wisdom which we only learnt in our early twenties or later, maybe never. They knew things I only found out at the age of 18, and most of them were younger than 12.

I just cant imagine demanding respect from a younger person. Its something that doesn’t come naturally to me. Im not any better than you and Im perhaps not even wiser. As much as I know in my head, I have no clue whats in yours.

Im not saying don’t respect your elders and let kids get away with rude behaviour. What I am saying is: teach respect without being disrespectful and respect each and everyone around you, regardless of age.

Meouw

2009-02-25T23:41:00.007+02:00

One thing I didnt mention here before, is that I love cats. I really do. Not in the way that i cant live without having one, but i just simply adore them. One is enough, i dont need a whole pack of them to be happy. This I inherited from my father, who adores cats just as much as I do, if not more. This is one thing that I definitely know I inherited from him, as my mother just feels uncomfortable with animals in general. Unfortunately, because of this, for most of my life, I was cat-less. My sister is exactly like my mother in that regard. They adore cats from a distance. I doubt they would ever touch one, which i find to be very odd, because I love touching them, picking them up, stroking them, etc. But then again, I’m not a fan of rodents, and so probably wouldnt touch them, if I think about it.

My mother and older sister, found caring for a pet, to be an effort, whereas I saw it as caring for something I love. A creature that can be given love, food, drink and attention. And at the same time, bringing joy into my life. I guess that concept is a bit difficult to comprehend if you dont like animals.

Cats – they are beautiful, clean, soft, cuddly, no worries about poo and they dont lick you! My love for cats stretches into the wild too. My favourite feline being the lion, in fact. I would love to go up close and touch it.

In 2006 (I think it was?), my father found a newborn kitten in our front garden. Naturally, he wanted to take it in and care for it. So we “adopted” this kitten and fed it everyday, and got attached to it, rather quickly, even my mother. I guess it was too small to be in her way, or maybe she fell inlove with it too, who knows. It was a very cute little kitten. Soon, my niece and nephew got to meet it and comically named it “Chippie”. We have no idea why, but it was catchy and it stuck. We thought it was male for quite some time until it got older and we noticed that it was being visited by other cats as it got older. Yes, the males were prowling around our house during mating season! Chippie was female. Took me a while to register this in my head. For that reason, I prefer male cats.

I found this picture of her on M’s flash drive, that I took with my phone, when she was still a baby:

I love this photo.

Sadly, Chippie disappeared not long after I had her. I think we only had her for about 8 months, maybe less, maybe more. It was rather sad, as we have no idea what happened to her. We reckon she was stolen as she was rather young. She wouldnt have ran away, as she was raised by us, and was generally scared to venture out on her own. But who knows.

That beautiful fur with just a small streak of brown and black on the top of her head, on her entirely white body. I can understand why someone would want to steal her.

It took me a while to stop checking the streets as I drove down our road, and neighbouring roads, in the hopes il spot her. I knew her coat so well, and then eventually i started questioning my memory when every white cat I saw, looked like her. Up to this day, Il sometimes think about her and wonder whatever happened. Is she alive and well somewhere?

Ah well, luckily M loves cats too. Maybe we can have cats as pets someday :)

I received my books today. I am so happy that i finally have some reading material. Il tell you all about them later.

Melting

2009-02-24T23:14:00.007+02:00

Wow, was it hot today! I think it was 35 degrees and tonight its 24... I seriously thought i was going to faint at work today. Or fall asleep. One of the two. Our aircon at work is totally wack, so being outside in the heat was actually cooler than being inside. So that gives you an idea. Then the fan we brought in is literally moaning and groaning and doesnt sound very healthy. We also dont have windows that can open, even though they are 3 storeys high. So basically we boil the entire day. I dont know how we are expected to work and complaining hasnt made a difference. A new complaint will be put in soon, so hopefully something gets done about it. Maybe we should faint, before they get the picture. Apparently the whole week will be this hot. So I need to psychologically will the heat away if i want to get something done at work this week.

February is the hottest month in Cape Town. I remember the days of waiting in long queues at varsity, the week of registration, in this heat. And it was round about this time of the month that lectures started, so i clearly remember that the worst heat of the year was definitely February.

I jogged in this heat earlier and it made me so lethagic and lame. When its hot, you really dont need the extra sweating and flushed heat that exercise gives you.

All I really want now is a bowl of watermelons, mixed with kiwi fruit and sweet melon. Refreshing! Oh and throw in a Lipton Iced Tea.

A picture for drooling purposes:

You ever wonder how things that grow from the Earth can taste so good? Its amazing, yet most of us prefer feeding our bodies, oily, greasy, artificial stuff. There are actually people out there that does not like/eat fruit. It astounds me. Maybe they just havent thought of it in that way. For those people, all the fruit in the world should disappear, and then maybe they’ll realise how amazingly delicious they are, and what the world would be without it. People tend not to appreciate the wonders of the world, hardly stop and taste, admire. Whatever happened to pondering over the goodness of life?

Some of my favourite fruits are: Strawberries, Kiwi, Watermelon, Sweet Melon, Avocado pears, dates, oranges, naartjies, nectarines, peaches, mango, paw paw, apples, guavas, grapes and cherries.

Its too hot to blog further. So whats your favourite fruits?

Frank Sinatra Fun

2009-02-17T16:24:00.013+02:00

So M thinks its funny that I call him M on my blog, because it reminds him of M in the James Bond movies. But I reassured him that I didn’t name him after her and she definitely doesn’t remind me of him, or vice versa… that would just be wrong.

The characters in James Bond, besides Bond, always has crazy, abnormal names. Its not creative, so I’m not sure why they do that. Maybe when the name-deciders decide on the names, they all sit around a table and collate all the random words that came into their heads within a 5 minute period and then draw it from a hat. Or maybe its just one person whos got a strange sense of humour. Who knows. I’ve often wondered about this.

Getting back to the weekend..
I was invited by M to his staff social on Sunday. Everyone was to meet at Kirstenbosch for the Jonny Cooper concert and picnic together. I had no idea who this Jonny Cooper Orchestra was, but all I thought of was Kirstenbosch gardens, picnic, sunshine, and that’s all that mattered to me. I knew I was going to enjoy it.

We arrived before 3 and the gates only open at 3:30, so we had to chill for like 45, maybe more, minutes. We eventually found a shady spot, after climbing the hills forever.

That’s M, with the cooler box he brought with, between his knees. That little cooler box is so cute, I can hug it :) Its the mini version of the gigantic one he has at home. And no, that’s not a wine glass, it’s a fake, plastic wine glass (or plastic?) that comes with his picnic rucksack thing, which we drank juice out of. On the right, you can see we had the staple non-preparatory picnic food : crackers and cheese.. I noticed its the staple, it really is. If you don’t bring anything else, you bring that. And juice. And fruit. I wasn’t in the mood to make anything.

So not long after we plonked ourselves on the ground, cooling ourselves in the shade, we had to trudge back to the gates. We got there 3:20, and the queue seemed to go on forever. Anyway, we eventually got in and one of M’s colleagues got us all a really cool (in both senses of the word) spot under the trees. Then we had to wait, chat and eat, until 5:30, before the orchestra appeared on stage.
I might be ignorant, out of touch, whatever, but I didn’t know that the Jonny Cooper Orchestra is Cape Town based and have received awards for their recreation of the classic romantic era of 1940’s Swing bands music, sound and vocals. Think Frank Sinatra. They sell CD’s overseas and also perform African songs. Also, the ages of the guys you see there on stage, total to over 500 :D well, that’s what the conductor says, anyway.. I think its so cool that a bunch of old guys are still actively creating such awesome music. Its not surprising. The older guys are usually the best at it.

Their music makes you want to dance. Really. I felt like I was supposed to rock up with my long gown and stilletos and start swinging. They played “Moonlight Serenade”, “Tuxedo Junction”, “New York New York” and even the faster clarinet pieces that make you want to jump up and swing. I think every one of us at some stage had to shake our shoulders or rock back and forth, even the little kiddies and old tannies. Especially the old grandmas and grandpas..

Moodlifting music :) that’s what I say. I captured the fun on video. Was hilarious to see people twisting. It was a Kodak moment.

I love Frank Sinatra. Have you seen how straight and white his teeth is? And besides his brilliant dance moves and singing, the other really amazing thing about Frank Sinatra for me, is how his name is used as a genre. You know, Frank Sinatra music. Like the time of Frank Sinatra. What about a Frank Sinatra type of musical. His hat reminds me of Frank Sinatra and that era. You must be good, if your name gets thrown around like an adjective.
The musicians back then were amazingly talented. Have I told you that I like old school music? No? Well now you know.

I never checked the summer concert program last year and missed all the good ones.i.e The Parlotones, Watershed, Just Jinger, Loyiso, etc. Quite disappointing.

On the wedding front, I lost my fabric samples, so now I have to search for new ones tonight.

What I learnt this weekend:

1. I love Kirstenboch gardens. It’s the greenest world I know in Cape Town.

2. Its not worth it to wait 2hrs for a concert at Kirstenbosch gardens, unless it’s a musician you really want to see.

3. Always check the Kirstenbosch summer concert programme. Theres most likely a band or singer coming that you really like.

4. People who have kids live in a parallel universe. Their lives look the same as ours, in fact everything looks the same, but they’re just in a totally different universe, parallel to ours. This I got from M’s colleagues. Apparently we need to babysit 3 kids at once for 2 days to prepare ourselves for marriage and being parents.

5. M gives great moral support. (I knew it before, but its only truly registering now)

6. Life throws curveballs all the time and we know it. Yet, when it happens, we are always surprised or upset.

Im not being mushy...

2009-02-12T23:13:00.002+02:00

I went all out for M’s birthday, trying to find a certain something as his gift, which i never found, but managed to find a substitution, literally like 30 minutes before i saw him. I have never been so last minute with gift shopping. Its very distressing. Never again. Especially when the weather is 30 degrees, i have a headache, backache, tired feet and had a hectic day at work, which also left me with no time for gift shopping. Not to mention my sinus problems, because of the fan at work. The things you do for love.

By the time i actually had supper with him, i was lame and feeling sick and still had to try my best to make his day special. Thats just how i am. I guess thats my way of showing someone i really care about them. All i wanted was for him to enjoy his day, to see the smile on his face, which thankfully was the case,even though i felt rather disappointed with my effort. He really did appreciate the effort, loved the gifts and enjoyed the supper. He always tells me not to buy him gifts, not to do anything special, because its not necessary. And he really will be ok with that. But i will always want to celebrate that he is here for another year, make him feel important. Its just who i am, and nothing will change that. Even if i am broke, I will probably concoct something... Theres nothing quite like the feeling of knowing that you’ve just brightened someone’s day. Even if all you did was buy that person a cup of coffee. Knowing what will make that person happy is the key. It doesnt have to be expensive, or seem like the perfect gift. It just has to be perfect for that person.

This is not a Valentine’s love post, but i have to say that I believe that one of the best ways to show your love for another person, or to show you really care, is if you can give them what you would like for yourself. Knowing when to give a hug, making someone a cup of tea without asking them, because you know that that cuppa is just what that person needs right now. Being that voice of reason when the other is clearly yearning for it or even losing it, just putting yourself in that person’s shoes, for just a minute.If that was me, what would I need right now? For me, this goes a long way, in showing you care. You might hear this over and over, but it really is the simple gestures that show you how much you care. That soothing hug, that willingness to help, to listen, saving you from a potentially embarassing moment, knowing when that person is feeling uncomfortable in a situation and doing something about it... Generally, knowing someone well enough to know what makes them happy and what makes them want to sink into a hole and disappear.

Many people are too self-absorbed to notice that much of what they do is to satisfy their own egos, or their image, and not because they truly want to do something good or because they truly care. A gift or act of love, shouldnt feel obligatory, it should be because you really feel you want to give it to another person. It all really boils down to one thing and that is, being selfless. And if you are, then you will surely see the joy in another person’s eyes, and joy in your own life too. Being selfless brings happiness and contentment. This all sounds so cliche, but how often do we really take heed of our behaviour within relationships? We cant be perfect, but consciously trying to better your behaviour counts more than the failure of your attempts.

In 3 months time, M will be my husband, Insha-Allah and i do know as challenging as marriage can be, we will try to make it work and we wont have it any other way. We have to remember to be selfless, to always remember the Almighty, and to realise that loving each other, in the true sense of the word, is the best thing we can do to make our marriage successful. A busy, challenging life, should never let one lose sight of the holiness of marriage. In my opinion, divorce is common these days, because people have expectations they shouldnt have, a lack of faith and misguided priorities. Maturity plays a role too, but faith counts a lot more..

Right now im grateful for M, his understanding nature, his generosity, his willingness to be flexible enough to make things work, even if it means doing something differently. I love that he puts me first, even when i feel bad that he does so, at times. I feel as if he will do “anything” for me, if i ask, even to pick my zits, if thats the case, and he probably will :P I feel like we can work as a unit, which is important to me, very important. Im not saying all these things about him through rose-coloured glasses, or because i want to boast, or because Im feeling mushy, but because these are the qualities that reassure me about our future life together. We can easily forget the good qualities in others and look for all the faults, and often thats when things go wrong. Being grateful is essential, and being realistic will most likely make your life a lot less complicated. It gives life perspective.

So Insha-Allah, we will have a happy marriage. Make du’ah for us ...

Just some random thoughts

2009-02-10T23:00:00.003+02:00

Today was an eventful day, work-wise. I had to slave at work until just about before Maghrib (sunset), because something had to be deployed before tomorrow. At the end of the day, the program is still not working 100%, which is really annoying me, not to mention the fact that I have been feeling rather incompetent for the entire time that i have been working on this particular program, or rather, programs, so today was rather like the cherry on top. I wont bore you with work details, but to cut a long story short, the whole floor, including managers are relying on me right now. I foresee another long day tomorrow, since i didnt “deliver”.

Plus, Cape Town was howling with a 50km/h SE wind today, and i work on the foreshore. For those of you who you dont know about the wind on the foreshore in CT... well its newsworthy, literally. As in, you’ll see embarassing photos of people in the newspapers, hanging onto poles, or not being able to cross the road, or taxis having fallen over on their sides. Im not kidding, its really bad. Its scary in fact. Last year, my laptop bag and handbag was ripped off me and my laptop screen was damaged, but luckily, my harddrive was fine.That same day some woman got flung over the rails. A truck also fell on its side a few months ago and last week, some car even rolled out of its bay.

Well, tonight I had to sit in an office, working to the sound of those scary howls and a dark cloudy sky. It coordinated beautifully with my day. And because of work, i missed my Tuesday jog. So disappointed. M braved the wind to join me for jogging and eventually he left, because I had to stay and work. I felt really bad, but he was totally understanding and we said our sorry goodbyes.

Speaking of M, its his birthday tomorrow. Maybe this will cheer me up a bit tomorrow. Because its his birthday, I would call February the month of love, not because of Valentine’ day. I despise the whole Valentines day thing, but let me not start with that topic. So for me, February is special and I enjoy making him feel special on his birthday, so im hoping Il succeed again this year.

Re the wedding, Im searching high and low for fabric for the little girls’ dresses, but no success thus far. I never would have imagined that finding a particular colour would be so difficult. I visited the florist last night and I have to be honest in saying that I wasn’t too impressed with her, but Im giving her a chance. Next, I have to search headgear designs. All I know is I want something pretty and dainty, but I have no idea of my options. If any of you have ideas, please let me know. I should also be looking for the shoe il be wearing. Something comfortable. Takkies would be comfortable, but my mom will have a fit, Im sure..

To reflect on the past 3 days, heres a few things Ive learnt:

Little kids can really bring joy to little moments- it was my nephews 2nd birthday on Saturday and I arrived a bit later at the party than everyone else. He only opened my gift before I left and everyone was gone. He didn’t want to remove the slippers with the lights that I bought him and insisted on parading around in the new t-shirt I bought. The cuteness and innocence caused so many smiles. I know for sure that no matter what my mood, if he has to appear before me right now, Il instantly smile :)
Lightning can really strike in your backyard. – yes, we all know, but its rare that I hear of it. Saturday when we left the kiddie party, we drove home with thunder and lightning all around us. And lightning struck in my sister’s back yard that same night! Thankfully no-one was outside and all the kids were safe. It apparently sounded like a bomb that exploded and all the electricity went out. This kind of thing also reminds us of how quickly your life can change for the worst, and how grateful we need to be of what we have. Reminders are always good,even when we know.
The female side of wedding preps are not fun. – I realised that even though im very picky, design decisions, and actually going out there to shop, is just not for me. Im very much a list person. If something doesn’t get ticked off, when it should have, it puts me off.
Women have tons of wisdom, but are mostly not taken seriously. – I was a victim of not being taken seriously this past Sunday and it was rather frustrating. Im not saying that I am oh so wise, but I realised how often we as women, are perceived as not understanding, or not knowing much. For me, its way too often, in this day and age. Even being assertive, wont necessarily work in your favour and proving yourself is a normal, everyday activity.

So my wedding day is exactly 3 months from today. Still waiting for the excitement…

Reflection in Motion

2009-02-05T16:32:00.005+02:00

Even through the sweating, the gasps for air, pumping feet and the hectic heat of the sun, there is time for reflection while jogging. I guess i knew that, especially since most joggers I see are zoned out, in a world of their own with their earphones in, pacing in concentration as the music plays. Especially those solo joggers. But I didnt think this would be the case, when jogging with a partner. I mean, conversation happens. But sooner or later, you zone out and it becomes all about you, just you and your legs, pumping, pacing, dips in the ground, direction, wind, heat... until one of us decides to say something. Either that, or one of us (usually me), cant carry on anymore and have to take a break and walk.

You know that feeling, where you feel as if you’re about to collapse, your legs are giving in, and your face and head starts heating up, your side feels uncomfortable.Then you just have to stop. (Spoken like a true novice). The worst thing is, as you’re stopping, some guy who looks no younger than 70, way past his spring-chicken years, runs past you at a faster pace and has already been running for at least a kilometre. Or thats just what i think, because when you’re new to this, the stretch at Greenpoint just goes on forever and ever. I didnt know whether to laugh or cry at that moment. I couldnt really do either, because of my loss of breath. Right now its hilarious :)

The amount of people jogging, is more than i imagined. I guess its only registering in my head now. As im jogging, i also notice the pain on fellow joggers’ faces, or the joy, or the relief, or the struggle. I see energetic rugby players, i see dogs running and even admired their agility, wishing i could be as fit as that :P. I see people doing push-ups in the shade and couples brisk walking, some just taking a casual stroll. Mothers walking with prams, having a chat about new recipes, while getting some exercise at the same time. And then i also see many regular runners, mostly male, who seem to fit on the cover of Men’s Health and whos strides are longer than my legs. Best of all, i have the sea view and the sounds of the gushing waves against the rocks.

Tuesday, i realised that im starting to enjoy the rushed, flushed feeling on my face that happens halfway through the jog and even the intense sun on my body. And I am quite heat intolerant. Its such a healthy feeling, if that makes sense. I realised how much I miss being active. My body is simply craving movement. The last hour before i leave work, im so impatient already, looking forward to that free feeling of running, being outdoors and running off all that tension in my shoulders.

The funny thing is, M loves cracking jokes at times and then i cant keep in the laughter. And you know, when you laugh, you lose all your energy.. Two jogs ago, at some arb moment while we were in our zone, he noticed how many people bring their dogs out for walks, at the same time that so many people come out for jogging. I couldnt say anything, because talking takes energy and at that point i felt close to panting.. Then he starts rambling about it and eventually asks me with his smiling eyes (trying to be serious) if I think there is any correlation between the amounts of joggers and dog walkers at any particular time.Do they appear when joggers appear, or do they not come when joggers dont jog? Or something along the lines of his statistical/mathematical/funny thoughts. I had to keep in the laughter but eventually my limbs gave in :) When you’re almost out of breath, nothing seems funny, but sometimes it just grabs you. Through all that, I love jogging with him.

Sadly, M injured his knee on one of our jogs. We think its the uneven ground and the impact broke something like a ligament or maybe its just a torn muscle. Looks like he cant jog for a while now. Im very worried about it. He has agreed to walk while I jog this evening, so at least he’ll still be there with me.

I feel as if im becoming addicted to this jogging thing. And I suddenly have a new-found respect for those Comrades marathon runners.

Wedding prep Update

2009-02-02T23:00:00.001+02:00

Monday. Today was one of those Mondays. Those Mondays. You know, the kind, where you just wish it was any other day, except Monday. Il rather not get into it, but lets just say a bomb scare and traffic issues played a part in it.

At least I have some dark chocolate on my pedestal, which is some consolation for a bad day.

Sometimes, i feel like chocolate can save the day.

I thought i would give you guys an update on my wedding preps. I feel like there isnt anything to mention besides the fact that im rather non-chalant about it and really not enjoying it. I know, it sounds morbid and maybe a bit abnormal that i am not enjoying it, like most women out there. But really, i would rather just have it over and done with. Sometimes i wish it was next week.

I have finally decided on a dress design, surprisingly. I should have taken a count of the number of weeks it took to get me to this point, because, really: this is a record for me. Miss Indecisive herself. Ive been swayed a few times, but im quite happy with what Ive chosen and Ive even got a swatch of the material i want. For the morning, I will be wearing my mom’s dress, which is really beautiful. I still need fabric for the little ones’ dresses though.

Our photographer was probably one of the first things that was sorted out and I am quite impressed with them. They can even create storybooks with a theme, if thats what you want. M and I havent quite decided what we want, but we’ll get there. Then theres the ring: M’s cousin is a jeweller and is making my ring. I met my ‘best friend’ not too long ago and I already love it, minus the metal .. My uncle is a jeweller too and is making M’s ring. We’re lucky in that way.

The biggest item is off our to-do list. And that is finding a place to stay :) We found a cute little house and we are both rather excited about having our own space. We know there are alot of responsibilities attached to that, but for now, we would rather just be excited than terrified.

Other than that, venue and catering are sorted out. Il be visiting the florist for the first time this week. Choosing bouquet designs and flowers are proving difficult. Hopefully she can help me. And then the only things left are the minor, but important details. To be honest, all the girly preps are kind of annoying – make-up, headgear, colours, designs. There are just too many decisions. Id rather be dressing the home and buying trouseaux instead.

So I survived this Monday and a rather busy weekend, which was spent on more wedding preps. I have never ever seen such a chaotic fabric store ever. I must have been the 20th bride-to-be to have visited that store this past Saturday. I like to think of weekends as a time for resting, recooperating for the hectic week ahead, but instead my Saturday was hectic and my Sunday afternoon I spent at work. Yes, at work. If theres one thing i loathe more than a bad Monday, its working on a weekend. My dream of a cosy couch, candles, waffle, hot chocolate and a movie on Sunday, went down the drain.

But, we decided to hire Mamma Mia last night and cracked with laughter :) There wasnt any candles, or waffles or hot chocolate, but it was more than enough for me to take work stress off my shoulders. And I love Abba’s music, and had a good time singing along... Poor M, having to listen to it! I went to bed with “Mamma Mia” in my head.

Tomorrow's Tuesday. Jogging day. Looking forward to it.

Unwrapping

2009-01-26T23:45:00.009+02:00

Im bored and its been a rather long day at work (again!) and i feel like typing...

In the short time that ive been blogging, Ive shared quite a bit about myself, such as, the fact that i love coffee and omelettes, that im a programmer, that im getting married, that I can sketch, that im wholly unfit, that i love reading, studied psychology and even that i think Nelson Mandela is really cool.

But now Il unwrap myself a bit more (not literally :P). Il elaborate on them all after..

I love dark chocolate. Its my favourite chocolate. 70% Cocoa is good, but 80%+ is too dark.

The picture on my profile page was sketched by me. A lot of detail is lost.

My favourite flowers are all types of roses. Cliche? Boring? Maybe, but they’re so beautiful.

I am an ex-archer. Yes, as in bow and arrow/Legolas/Robin Hood...

I ran long distance and played hockey at school (lol Now i cant even run 10m without being short of breath)

I did French for one year at school and loved it.

I did Xhosa for one year at school and found it too difficult.

I know Kim Engelbrecht from school. I went to the same high school as her, for 2 years before we moved house.

I cant swim (shock horror!)

I never leave the house without: house keys, car keys, cellphone, wallet, wrist watch, hand cream and lip balm.

The road scares me, even though i love driving.

Ive never been outside of South Africa. I feel (slightly) deprived.

Ive never flown either. I havent even been inside a stationary aeroplane.

I have two material fetishes: head scarves and jewellery.

I can walk in stilletos comfortably.

I have good fashion sense and taste and appreciate the same quality in others.

I dont get that so many females lack logical thinking. And sometimes it annoys me.

Quite a few people (including guys) have mentioned and thought, that i know a lot about cars (for a girl). According to me, I know very little and would like to know a lot more.

I love giving gifts, – including the search for it, the wrapping, the card, etc.

I prefer sunrise to sunset. I dont find sunsets romantic.

I can present a prepared topic infront of an audience, and make them believe i know what im talking about, even if i really dont. (that skill got me through Honours :P)

I wanted to be an architect.

I was one of the first “Big Sisters” from the Big Brothers Big Sisters Program. I was a guinea pig!

The Matrix, LOTR and Harry Potter are among my favourite movies.

I think il stop there for now. ..But let me elaborate on each point:

80%+ melted, is fine, but not in slab form. I also love dark chocolate combined with orange. Yum! You know what they say about chocolate: 99% of people like it, and the other 1% are lying ;)

That sketch was actually me trying out a new form of sketching called circulism and when i got tired, thats where i stopped. Its actually an unfinished drawing and is currently lying in my Scraps gallery on DA. I had it on my pc for months, before deciding to use it on gtalk and blogger. I think circulism is ingenious.

Roses. what can i say? They’re gorgeous. I esp love the Grand Prix ones.

I did archery at UCT for 2 years and fell inlove with it. it really works out your arms. I still had skinny arms, but i was generally stronger. And it is actually a lot harder than it looks. Even really sporty guys couldnt release an arrow :D My best is 18 bull’s eyes in one practice session, indoors. Outdoors is a killer. Im thinking of joining a local archery club again.

I did the 1500m! :P I was miss Stamina at school. Even now, il hike non-stop up a mountain, and only the next day realise that i tore my muscles. Oh btw, i survived my first jog. I took it real slow and i didnt even need an oxygen mask. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Sadly, i cant remember French anymore, except the very basics. But i can pronounce french words the proper way when i read them. Im much better at Anglaise ;)

Xhosa is so difficult! But i know my clicks, ok?

Kim Engelbrecht is exactly how you see her on TV. Same personality, same sense of humour, same everything, She was a year ahead of me in my cousin’s class and was always centre of attention, even when she didnt want to be. She was also the schools pro athlete – she qualified for everything every year, as in track and field, and was a really fast sprinter and swimmer. Wasnt surprised to see her on TV the first time – she just had the X factor.

Embarassing for someone from Cape Town, i know. I need to make a point of learning!

I feel incomplete if I leave the house without those..

I was in 4 accidents and still get bad visions after ive been on the road.. i imagine all sorts of collisions (!)

Not so much deprived, as behind.. if you can understand that. I still want to tour SA itself. Our country is beyond beautiful.

ok, maybe i am deprived.

I just cant have enough. If you ever dont know what to get me as a gift, now you know ;)

Unbelievable, even to me. Ive never struggled walking with stilletos. Must be my sturdy stride :P

Well, my parents have rather good taste in most things and so I just have it. My mother was a fashionista in her day. I wish i could steal her clothes from the past. Being a visual person, i really appreciate someone that knows how to dress well and what looks good on them. I appreciate a balance between good looks, proportion and quality. I hardly ever compromise on any of that.

Honestly, i just dont get it. Being emotional, is not an excuse. Emotions can cause subjectivity, or lack of objectivity in general, maybe rash decisions. But being illogical? I find that dumb.Im probably cruel in saying that. But I really do find it horribly embarassing and annoying when guys have to bare and grin it. I feel it with them, to be honest.

I know this and that, types of cars, whether they german, japanese, french or italian, concept cars and some basic ideas of what certain parts do, etc. Emphasis on certain.. eg. I have no idea what the intake manufilt does? And why the brake switch can break so easily..

Im a perfectionist with gifts. I really put alot of thought into it and try and make the receiver feel as special as possible. M can testify to this ...

Sunsets are so sad – i mean, saying goodbye to the sun? No ways, i cant look at it, seriously. Who knows if it will rise again tomorrow. Leave me to make salaah instead.Thus my love for sunrise :) It signifies, hope, new beginnings, blessings, beauty and light..
So a breakfast picnic is much more romantic than a sunset picnic to me ;)

I seriously did BS my way through Honours. I kid you not. If you believe you know what you’re talking about, so will others. I even mastered the tricky questions!

Drawing, buildings and maths – nice combination. Except, it was 8 years of study... umm no.

A strange, challenging, but rewarding job. I feel proud to have made a positive difference in a little girls life, even though it was just for a year. Its hard though, and I knew that it would be too emotionally draining to carry on for more than a year. I didnt want to become too attached to the girl either. Those kids really saw us as role models – simply because we lived “normal” lives. Its too sad to even mention here what most of those kids have been through.

Do i need to elaborate on this one?

Now im tired of typing!

Im sipping on Pomegranate and Blueberry juice. Ever had it? Its a rather interesting mix of sweet and sour...

All things new

2009-01-22T00:19:00.003+02:00

Im typing this in bed, with laptop where it should be – on my lap, my hair still very wet, while chewing the last piece of my Melrose on toast and sipping at my tea. I didnt eat properly today, because of my hectic day at work, and now im snacking in bed. Lame excuse, I know. Im trying to work on this whole eating better thing. Its not looking good so far.

Speaking of which, work is just so crazy. What im busy with was needed on Monday already, so im frantically trying to get this program done asap. I have a whole floor of people relying on me. Dont worry, im not stressed. Im actually liking the fact that i have a bit of pressure. I work well under pressure – the characteristic of most procrastinators... Im not joking :P I’ve been working non-stop, with hardly any breaks for the last 3 days, except for getting a quick snack or running to the loo, which doesnt constitute a break. Actually, even that felt like a break to me. So i currently feel, and probably look, like your stereotypical coder at work: eyes switching between monitors (I have two monitors), a million windows open, constantly coding, keyboard shortcuts, quick notes, flash drive in, earphones in place, and a variety of music on Winamp to drown out the world. My eyes are like fixated on my screen, its so bad.

But let me not talk about work anymore. This is not like me.. to think about work outside of work...

Today I realised how rather drastic the new year has arrived. I knew it came, i knew this meant many new things are coming, but only just today, i think it really sunk in. A new year brings new beginnings, new goals and new hope, inevitably. But as i watched Obama’s idealistic speech on tv yesterday, as good an orator as he is, for some reason, it scared me. I dont mean to sound morbid, or negative, but we’ve reached a new era and something about his speech gave me the chills. Alarm bells went off in my head about the world and what might happen. My colleague mentioned something today: he said that he doesnt trust good speakers, because they’re more influential and when things go bad, they can turn into really bad people and use their voice to get what they want... It made me think. But Insha-allah, he will make some positive change in his presidency. I should stop being cynical.

So, 2009 sneaked up on us rather quietly, but seems to be keeping many surprises up its sleeve. I feel like it just pounced on me. And personally for me, this year will bring many new interesting things, without a doubt, especially since i will be getting married. The year just started, me just being busy with wedding preps and not much else and now its almost Feb. Yep, life goes on, and everything can change in a wink. I cant wait to start my new life with M, in our cute new house and the new challenges that go with it. Il perhaps write another blog to update you guys on the wedding preps.

Speaking of new – Ive arranged a bi-weekly jog with M after work, and tomorrow, will be our first time. My first step towards being active. Im hoping I wont be crawling too much.. im so unfit, honestly. I need paramedics on standby!

Ive also made a point of reading again and ordered two rather interesting books and cant wait to share them with you. Oprah was raving about a book today, called “The Story of Edgar Sawtelle”, written by a first-time author, and is already fast becoming a best seller. She couldn’t stop raving about it,so im thinking of reading it myself; add it to my list of books to buy.

New, new, new… so many new to-do’s I have in my head for the upcoming months.

But right now, its late and I need to go to sleep, as il probably have yet another long day at work tomorrow. Cant afford to be sleeping at my desk..So let me post this. All “new” thoughts will have to wait.

[Lights out..]

If you find this post boring, Il know exactly why...

2009-01-16T13:43:00.007+02:00

(this post seems too long :P feel free not to read!)

Now i dont claim to know all their is about human behaviour, or sociology, or how people think (I feel these topics are complex, relative and up to interpretation), but Ive always been preoccupied by human nature, as in.. daily, as in all the time. Human behaviour,specifically. Not because, im out to get people, or angry with them, or because im bored and have nothing better to do, but because its just a part of who i am. I feel that i see more than i should. More than i want to, in fact, and theres nothing i can do about it. Sure, there are loads of people out there with the ability to read people, to understand them, to see right through them. Some have the ability to use this skill to help people through hard times and then you get those who use it to manipulate people in the worst way possible, which i dont think i need to expand on. And then theres me, who have a similiar ability,but dont know how to use it, is useless at helping people and have no way of explaining what i see... and know.

I have done psychology as my second major at university (yes, i am a computer scientist.. dont be confused), and loved it in fact, except the writing bit. How can you ask a techie to write. I mean c’mon. Thats like our worst nightmare. Im not a total techie, I have an artistic side somewhere, but words? No. And so my research, and analysis was just always poorly written. And all the wonderful things in my head, stayed where they were, in my head.

Behavioural psychology was my favourite, in 3rd year. No surprise there. Projects were a breeze. Fun, in fact. Lectures were fascinating. And that says alot. I mean, lectures at uni are synonymous with falling asleep. Not to mention Maths, where confusion and being lost was deemed normal.What i loved the most, is getting to know the technical terms of behaviour i see everyday, explained to me and articulated. I didnt need to study psychology to know it, but now I was equiped with theories, hypotheses, techniques, reasons and jargon to go with it. It was all logical to me. Simple, in fact. I had many groundbreaking moments in class. Or lightbulb moments, as i like to call them :) The other course i enjoyed had to do with the psychology of psychology :D Brain-wracking stuff i tell you.

It really is cool to be able to know people. To know why they say the things they do, why they are friends with certain people, what they find important in life, what they dont, why they laugh when they do, and dont laugh when u expect them to, why they hide certain things or why they hide nothing, why they always wear black shoes, why they never smile, or why they cant be themselves, how you can predict their behaviour beforehand accurately... just by being around them for a few weeks. At work, i quietly smile to myself, when observing colleagues. I can see, what they wish i didnt :P

It can be annoying at times, I have to be honest. The times where you see bad behaviour and feel powerless in changing the situation, or when you just cant say a word, because it will reveal too much. Or when you know someone can change bad behaviour, but doesnt.. when you feel you know exactly what the problem is, but you’re not sure how to approach that person.. now that can be quite frustrating.

I have to admit, i dont like it when people do things, just because its the norm to be that way. I think most adults are too scared to say whats on their minds for fear of being judged, especially females. In my opinion, at least.You know how kids can be innocent, and so honest at times, that they would say anything at any time? People think its cute. But not when an adult does it, right? Well, i believe we shouldnt lose that ability, within bounds, of course. Many times, Ive let the kid in me come out and I’ve said whats on my mind infront of a whole bunch of people, and then everyone goes quiet, or sniggers :) No-one is honest anymore. We converse according to what society says is ok, all because of what others might think of us. I say, just be yourself, your total self, with respect, of course. We can learn alot from kids, even though many adults are too proud to admit it. My theory is, that as we get older, our understanding of the world increases, but our submission to norms increases too. We start summarising life and the world and then forget about all our ideas from childhood, all the what-ifs. A part of us stops thinking twice...

I am one of those people, who dont like doing, or giving the expected behaviour, or being cliché. Partly by choice, partly naturally me. [ I didnt really think that was funny, so dont expect me to laugh because everyone else cracked up and Il look bad if i didnt.] .Society has moulded us into stereotypes and little boxes of profiles, which, sadly, people live up to.

I went off on annoying people at some point and lost my train of thought. But one thing: I sometimes wish i didnt see as much as i do, because sometimes its too much. Even right here and now i find it hard to describe what i see, but i know that i have it for a reason. I could put it down to something like female intuition, but theres a huge difference, I believe. I guess i need to discover how I can use it to my benefit, and others. Im sure there are many of you budding psycho-analysts out there. How do you get past all the bad, inflexible, annoying behaviours, when dealing with people, and then use your skills in a beneficial manner?

Those who know me personally, im not trying to scare you with my X-ray eyes ... :) trust me on that. Im not always analyzing you, that would be exhausting!

In an attempt to stay awake...

2009-01-09T15:38:00.006+02:00

… I decided to do a mosaic, that I found on one of Slate of the Barista Emotion's posts.

Its fun and quick and I needed a break. But before we get to that, you might wonder why I am battling to stay awake. Its simple really: Work is boring me to death, what with the search for a function that will give me exactly what I want and a program that has just been plastered all over. My eyes are just hovering over the screen. Fun life, being a programmer sometimes. Plus, I think I only got about 2 hours of sleep last night. Correction. 2 hours of sleep this morning. I possibly only fell asleep at 5. Don’t ask. Not even I, am sure why I could not sleep. Two things are for sure: Im craving a delectable supper and planning to make it happen somehow and secondly, I need an early night tonight. Catch my forty winks. Ive realised you can never really catch up on sleep, but luckily tomorrow is Saturday :)

Now for my Mosaic. These are the rules:
Open the Mosaic Maker. Then choose 3 columns and 4 rows. Go to the Flickr search page and search your answers to the questions below. Choose a photo on the first page only, open it and copy the URL into the appropriate line of the Mosaic page. When done with all 12 lines, SAVE to your chosen directory (probably My Pictures) and upload it to your posting.

The Questions:

1. What is your name?
2. What is your favourite food?
3. Which school did you attend?
4. What is your favourite colour?
5. Which celebrity do you consider to be your favourite?
6. Your favourite drink?
7. Your dream holiday?
8. What do you want to be when you grow up?
9. What’s your favourite dessert?
10. What do you value most in life?
11. One word to describe you?
12. Your blog’s name?

This is how mine turned out:

1. Nuraan,
2. Garlic Prawns,
3. Harold Cressy high,
4. Blue and White,
5. Nelson Mandela,
6. Coffee,
7. Paris and Fiji,
8. Entrepreneur,
9. Peppermint crisp fridge tart,
10. Family and friends,
11. Visual,
12. Moments of Reflection

Im not tagging anyone. You can just go ahead and do this. Have fun! Flickr’s got some really nice pics.

Im going to try and do some more work now, without my eyes closing. Life seems so much slower when you’re sleepy, but in a bad way...

An interview with me...

2009-01-07T14:47:00.003+02:00

Sleepyjane sent me these interview questions. Thanks so much for saving my boredom, dear :D. I enjoy reading your blog! So here goes, for those who are interested.

1. If you could choose any talent to be blessed with, anything at all, what would it
be and why?

This one’s easy. To be able to articulate myself brilliantly with words and be able to write like a pro! Then I can explain all the muddled up thoughts in my head and perhaps even write a best-seller. Ive always wanted to be able to write. Its still a dream of mine to write a book. If I could articulate myself with words, then I would also be able to give better advice, explain myself a whole lot better and pass on powerful messages with just words. How jealous I am of writers!

2. If someone said that they would pay you X amount of money but you are NEVER
allowed to blog again, what amount would you accept?

Ha! Im not a blogging addict, so it might be easy for me to give it up.
Il ask for like a million rand, delete my blog and then re-create another website with a blog and blog there (im a programmer). How will they know its me huh?? You gotta be good to catch me out ;)

3. If you could have been born in any other country, which one would it be
and why?

Mm This is a difficult one. I cant choose only one! Ok, ok, let me think….
I would say it’s a tie between Saudi Arabia and France. Well, Saudi Arabia, because I am Muslim and its considered holy land and arabic is such a beautiful language to have as mother tongue.
Then France, because of its beautiful cities, cobbled streets and surroundings. Not to forget its reputation for amazing food and famous fashion! Oh and I would have had French as my home language – very romantic. Am I being stereotypical?

4. Tell me something that you are proud of, like some goal you reached?

Nothing great – but I managed to get my BSc Honours in Computer Science, having never used a computer before studies and no clue what programming was. I also never owned one throughout my studies.

Another achievement: That Im getting married this year. Never thought I would tie the knot before the age of 30 :P

5. If you could be a member of the opposite sex for a day, no strings, would you do
it and why?

Oh yes! I just feel being physically stronger and maybe having huge muscles must be so cool. For that one day il take advantage of those muscles. Punch all those guys that harassed me in the past so that they black out!
Just being able to go anywhere, even alone in the dark, and know that guys wont harass me, would be freedom. No, seriously. Guys, you just don’t understand whats its like for us women.

Not having to worry about combing my hair and just pull on any old pants and t-shirt no matter where im going, not being emotional (lady level), not having to worry about uncomfortable body issues, just for a day, will be heaven.

And on that same day, I will go to jannatul Baqi (the holy burial site in Medina ) where only men are allowed to visit the graves of the relatives of the Prophet(SAW). Unfair on the women , I think, but understandable.

...

So now you know just a little bit more about me :)

Idle one...

2009-01-06T16:17:00.003+02:00

I feel as if I don’t even have the energy to write this blog, Energade and all. But I need to get my thoughts out and its pretty much my lack of energy that’s making me write this post.

Being back at work, made me realise that I’ve lost my energy. My energy for work, energy for pretty much anything. I feel brain-dead most of the time. And it being a new year, and new beginnings, I feel I seriously need to do something about that fact. Im actually craving a healthier, balanced, more energetic life and its not impossible, even if it mostly feels that way. And my first step is start exercising regularly. Ive asked my friend to join me at the gym, so hopefully she agrees, then at least il have someone’s hand to grab when I collapse on the treadmill… no seriously, a friend would keep me motivated. I actually crave exercising! Is that weird? M and I, might start jogging again too. Its ridiculous how unfit Ive become. I was sitting on the couch watching TV yesterday, and felt so lazy like a chronic couch potato. Now that was a scary feeling. I cant become a couch potato, not if I can help it. So exercise… exercise, will soon become my favourite word. And don’t get me wrong, this is not to lose weight. If I did, I would probably disappear! M and I are one of those couples who should pick up weight, instead of lose, for the wedding :D

Ive come to the realisation that I havent been spending any time on things that I love to do. One of them being reading. Im a bookworm, so if I havent been reading lately, then whats actually happening with me? Im more than just a fan of reading. Its really my life. Besides paging through mags and browsing blogs, I havent been reading books.. its crazy. I miss a good read. Normally I have a list of books to read, but now I don’t even have a clue as to whats new out there. Im actually stagnating my brain this way. Which reminds me, I havent played much games recently, or spent much quality time with friends. I also love sketching, and digital creativity, even though it pretty much depends on my creative levels. Its been months since I picked up a pencil. So many other things I love doing are non-existant in my life at the moment. Its quite sad. Spending time on myself, has also taken a backseat. And facials, massages and a haircut are on my agenda of things to do. Im probably looking like an old haggard lady by now.

Besides wedding preparations, Ive really been stuck in a rut, and Im not sure why. It’s a rather awful feeling to know that you’ve lost your zest for life. It feels as if I cant escape the muddled corners of my mind. Corners filled with a gazillion weird, if not sometimes crazy, at times deep, thoughts. The kind that makes your head feel like it will explode. There actually is something like a tired brain. There must be.

Then there is work… I feel like I need a change of scenery. But is it really the scenery? Or is it work itself? I constantly feel bored at work. Sometime in the past, I had inner conflict when it came to being a programmer. I came close to changing professions but somehow found my passion for IT rekindled. I still have the interest in what I do. But just not right now. Right now its boring. Right now, I would rather just be far away, on an island, reflecting and soaking up nature. But since I cant do that, and am forced to sit at work and look at boring code, I will have to do my reflection right here, now isnt it?

So for me, this year will be a year of new beginnings, new hope, new goals, new energy, and no more sitting around. What I really need is a push. Just a push off that shelf I’ve been sitting on. Throw in some words of wisdom, motivation and a bit of love and that will make for an even better result. It shouldn’t be a year of unrealistic goals that wont hold, or a year of beating myself up over things I couldn’t achieve. Il try my best and see where it takes me. No pressure, that’s what I say.

Heres to a year, where I learn whats good for myself and actually act on it. I reckon its gonna be an interesting one :)

Its 2009!

2009-01-02T13:31:00.006+02:00

I started my new year on the couch, watching TV. I also went to bed not long after the clock struck 12. But that’s ok. Its kind of what I had in mind for my New Year’s eve: a relaxed, chilled out time. For some reason I was not in the mood for any bustle and walking around in the city centre waiting for coons. Or anything really. At most, I would have gone to town just for the Waterfront fireworks. I guess spending time at the beach the morning, made me all tired and lazy to do anything the evening.

New Years, I woke up with a medium-sized Daddy Long Legs crawling on my neck. A rather interesting start to my day. Believe me, it’s one way to wake you up! After killing the creepy crawly with my slipper (I just had to, sorry, I needed my bed spider-free!), I just fell asleep once again as if nothing happened.

Now, my leave is officially over and its back to work. I don’t even feel recooperated. I need another week or so. But at least I had a good leave. I even went cherry picking for the first time.

I sorted out a few wedding prep stuff too, but unfortunately there is still so many things to sort out in that department.
It might be back to work, but my holiday mood is not over. I still want to go hiking, more beach trips, perhaps strawberry picking, a picnic, putt putt, more movies, long drives… whatever else I think of. Not sure where Il fit them all in, but im going to make a plan.

I have one main goal for this new year and that is to be more active. I seriously need to exercise and regularly. Im just really grateful for still being here and just that fact, alone, makes me want to live my life better, look after myself and others, carry out more good deeds and make the best of what I have. Il also be getting married, Insha-Allah, and looking forward to all that that brings.

So Happy New Year to all of you! May you all have a year filled with inner peace, happiness, strength, health, a stronger sense of self, and all things good.

Magical cup of java

2008-12-19T12:57:00.004+02:00

Its always a good time for a nice cup of coffee. Or that’s how it feels most of the time. Whenever I/we need a break, or some time to unwind, M and I go for a cup of coffee and just chill. Or chillax, as I like to call it. He will also never say no to a nice cup of gourmet coffee, so its mutual. Il make up any excuse for a cup, but I don’t need an excuse anymore. I just go for coffee and enjoy myself :) Weekends, we even plan our day around Seattle. Yes, we are that bad. If Seattle is nearby, and we eat at some restaurant, it’s a given that we don’t order drinks with our meal. Well, because we’ll have Seattle after of course :P I wouldn’t call us addicted as yet, but we are close. I am a very moderate person, so I wont go there in any case. We just love coffee, but not to the point of overdoing it. We’ve recently started enjoying Vida E double shot lattes. Mmmm…

This morning, my colleague and I coincidentally both craved for a “nice” breakfast and a good cup of java. You know, the omelette-with-toast-and-coffee-summer-morning kind of breakfast. We went downstairs and thought of just buying a toasted sandwich and good-coffee-went-bad by the popular coffee kiosk. Then spur of the moment, we thought “to hell with this” and we politely walked out the building and across the road, and into the BMW café to have our “nice” breakfast. To clear our conscience, we thought about how our fellow colleagues often have 1 hour breakfasts downstairs, without any guilt. So why shouldn’t we? We had grande lattes with foam which had a heart shaped into it, and a dark chocolate bean in the saucer. The kind of coffee I was craving for, for a good start to my Friday morning. Breakfast was toast, scrambled eggs and chicken rashers. Now the other day, I was complaining about spending money and look at me! Guilty as charged. Nevertheless, we got the breakfast we wanted with a Table Mountain view, summer breeze and good conversation to match :D

Well, what do you know. When we returned to the office, no-one even missed us. I guess everyone is in holiday mood.

That was an interesting start to my day, a good one at that. Later, we having our gift exchange with some eats. That should surely make the day go by a bit faster. This is also my last day of work for the year. Im taking a few days leave, so that means clearing out my desk and taking home what I can. And then tonight, il be helping with last minute wedding preparations for my friend that’s getting married tomorrow. I see a hectic, tiring weekend coming up.

So il be gone for a while. Maybe il find some time to blog, im not sure.
But you should all enjoy your holidays and family time and never forget: Keep safe on the road!

Have a happy, peaceful holiday… and have a cup of coffee now and then, because its always a good time for a nice cup of coffee ;)

I see avo salads on the tables...

2008-12-18T17:56:00.003+02:00

You know how sometimes you just stay distracted and you just cant focus on whats currently happening, because your mind is constantly on something else? Like parents with a new born baby. They tend to find everything else nowhere near as important as their new bundle. They are always in baby land, no matter where they are, or what they doing. Or those excited new home owners. All that’s really on their mind is their new house, new furniture and finding out which furniture warehouses have specials. And suddenly they can rattle off all the factory stores that sell cheap, but quality furniture, plumbers in the area and all the shades of orange paint. I guess that would be called décor land?

Well, im currently in wedding land. No surprise huh? No matter where I am, what im doing, who im talking to, the wedding lurks at the back of my mind. Not in a stressful way, neither in an annoying way. Its just there. If I think of it logically, its actually there in a good way, since so far ive just been sorting things out, without stressing, and without much rush. Ive just been doing stuff, without thinking too much. And things have been getting done. Productivity levels are looking good. Fiance, let me rather call him M, from now onwards (the word fiance is getting tiring!) and I, have been sorting out most things together and Im happy to say its going well. The only important outstanding thing would be my dress! ok, fine, its probably the most important thing on MY list. I cant help being so indecisive. I have no clue what I want, so its really a mission for me. Possibly the hardest part of my wedding plans. Most girls would be so excited about it, but for me its just too much effort. I just want some fairy godmother to make the perfect dress appear before me with matching shoes and veil …and there I go, all ready to get married. Same goes for my group’s dresses.
I should call myself Miss Indecisive. Il get there, I will, Insha-Allah, I will.

M and I were joking around about our receptions. I was telling him, I see us being one of those hungry bride and groom couples. You know, like “Wheres the food, Im hungry and tired of posing already”. The reason i said this, was because, we were eating our meals frantically at that point. We can be such busy eaters when we are hungry. I could envision my lipstick completely rubbed away and getting annoyed with my veil, because its in my face while i eat!
I am making a point of serving the foods we like to eat, at the wedding and M foresees the guests wondering why there are so many salads on the table :)

We’ve often made jokes about what we will serve at the reception. Here are some of the quirky things we randomly concocted:

M wants to serve gatsbies at his wedding (a popular cape town take-away, mainly enjoyed by the coloured community and highly unsuitable for a wedding)
I want Seattle coffee served. But I want the whole coffee bar there with baristas and all.
Serving Kauai platters, just to be different, cos we like it and to work on all those heavy-eaters nerves. A good way to tell people they need to eat better. Most people would probably hate us for this one!
Perhaps having a rock band (Imagine the looks on the old aunties faces)
We heard his father singing loudly to a song and joked about having his father and brother (who sings all day) to be the entertainers at the reception.
We also thought of gatecrashing his cousin’s wedding, which is 2 weeks before ours and then consequently not paying for any hall or catering. The vision of that in my head was hilarious. M and I walking in, couple no. 2 making our grand entrance at some opportune time :D

There was more, but I cant remember. Anyhow, at least all the laughing is keeping us sane :)

Well, im off to find something to eat (as usual). I will visit blogger land tomorrow, if I can find my way out of wedding land.

Money rant

2008-12-17T16:22:00.001+02:00

Or car rant. Both really. Ever since Ive had my car, ive had to deal with spending money on it. Okay, yes, obviously that will be the case and yes, I knew that when i bought it. The difference with me, is that Ive only had the car since December 2006 and yet, Ive probably had more than 10 occasions where something’s gone wrong with it. Maybe thats an exaggeration, Im not sure. It feels more like a 100 times to me. I guess thats what happens when you not only buy a second hand car, but an old second hand car. Its really my own fault. My car is a 2000 model, which means its already nine years old. I would call it cranky. Its just at that stage now, where little things go wrong and eventually they turn into big things.

Last week Friday i took my car to the dealer for my shuddering brakes and they told me that the discs need to be replaced. Not the kind of news you want to hear. As you know, discs are expensive, so i decided not to have it done at this stage. Im just tired of hearing service advisors quote thousands over the phone. Ive heard it too many times, so Il just keep driving until i really have to replace them. At the moment, they’re not shuddering anymore, anyway. And i have a wedding to think about. The more I can save, the better. Theres also a problem with my accelerator, which they claim to be an electrical problem. Three faults appeared on the computer, which they got rid of, but.. its still not 100%, as i soon discovered on the way home. Which means i might have to take it back, which means.. More money. Again.

Ive had my car in for repairs a few times, which cost thousands. Ive also been in four accidents. Ive had parts replaced, panelbeating, ABS issues, faulty brake lights and brake switch, amongst many other things. Badges and even my left mirror was stolen from my car, and i had to buy new ones. So, i cant claim not to know what to do when something goes wrong with my car, neither when i have an accident, nor when having to claim insurance. All this is becoming natural to deal with. Im not sure if thats a good thing or a bad thing.

All this in the span of 2 years...

Ive spent quite a bit on my car and thats besides the routine services. I refuse to spend more money on it. If i can get away with it, that is. At the moment, Im in denial about the amount of money I will have to spend for my wedding. Budgeting for it, feels like someone asked me to participate in Fear Factor and i dont have a choice. A fear im forced to conquer, well, in my case, for obvious reasons. I feel sorry for my fiance, but im sure he is a whole lot more level-headed when it comes to finances.

Well, all things happen for a reason, and me and my car problems was just to test my patience, who knows. I guess the other good thing that came out of this, is that i know how to handle these situations and I also gained more knowledge about cars (even though I already knew quite a bit). Funny thing I realised, is that after all my car affairs, I have never changed a tyre all by myself!

But nevertheless, I just spent my long weekend spending more money. Wonderful isnt it? I had a shopping list and unfortunately, they were all must-buys. Amongst them, my friends wedding gift, and a gift for my colleague. We are having a gift exchange at work, much to my disappointment.
It always comes down to money, doesnt it? Plus, its holiday season.

Please pray that i manage to budget, my car will not hassle me for a while and somehow everything will just work out, Insha-Allah.

Please pass the pepper grinder...

2008-12-05T10:32:00.007+02:00

According to me and according to him, fiancé and I are incompatible. Im quite serious when I say this. We are so different in most things. Yet, we still want to share our lives together. We know we can make it work and yes, we know that marriage is hard work. The strange thing is, those who know us well, seem to think we are so right for each other. My reasoning is, our determination in making things work, radiates from us in everything we do. Or maybe, the things we have in common, is just more perceptible, than the fact that we are completely different types of people. There are a few things we have in common though. We are not complete opposites.To begin with, we are both fairly private people. Secondly, we are both computer science graduates, and thus pretty much on the same wavelength whenever any sort of logic/reasoning/inquisition/innovation comes up. And you can also imagine, that being computer scientists, we are pretty bad when it comes to languages, no pun intended. Yes, English and the sorts. (Blogging is clearly not helping me in this regard!). Theres more similarities. A handful or so. But when it comes to how different we are, well, that list will be too long to mention here. What I do find oddly amusing though, is how similiar our tastebuds are for food. I thought il share this rather quirky list here:

We both love salads.. and i mean LOVE them. we always order salads with our meals when we can and we have the same favourite salads. Viz. Toss salad and greek salad. And we both dont eat the olives in greek salad.
Another salad to add, would be onion salad. You should see our eyes light up when thats on the dinner table.
If we are eating fried chips, we both grab the tomato sauce. When we order anything with chips, you know that tomato sauce will be present on our table. We love All Gold to bits.
Both of us prefer non-gaseous drinks, like water, juice, ice tea and smoothies, to gas cooldrinks.
We are both coffee and tea lovers.
We are both suckers for sunny side up eggs (we like mopping up the liquidy orange yolk. Yum!) But any style eggs will do too.
We love toast. Im glad he does too, cos its an easy snack :P
Avo makes us both drool. We eat it in any fashion, but both of us happen to slice it lengthwise when we eat it on toast.
We have the same preference when it comes to fresh cream. We like it, but only a little at a time. Too much cream puts us off.
A pepper grinder will also always be on our table, when available. We both like peppering everything. Preferably the grinder type.
We love our veggies. For instance, we will happily dish a plateful of warm veggies on the side when we go to Spur. One of us can dish it and the other one will always be happy.
When eating out, we prefer our drinks after our meals and never order drinks before the meal arrives.

So hows that for compatibility? ;) There might even be more, that i cant think of right now. Its just freaky how similiar our eating preferences are. There are obviously a few things we dont have in common when it comes to eating, but the fact that the above list exists... well, besides the fact that it is slightly uncanny, i think it makes us qualify to be compatible on some level. Lets call it, on a what-we-like-to-eat-with-our-meals level. Or for those technical people: food accompaniment level :)

The digital age

2008-12-04T17:50:00.002+02:00

Now that I have to embark on this whole wedding planning expedition, Ive been in search of websites with dress designs , bouquet designs and generally anything wedding related. Unfortunately, I cant surf as much as I would like to, because I don’t have internet at home. (Yes, some people still don’t have the internet…) Using my phone is out of the question, as I would mainly be searching images and this would make for a steep phone bill. Im planning to get internet access at home, purely for wedding plans, as I desperately need it. Not only for the dresses and such, but a lot of other research related to my wedding. So that’s on my to-do list for the coming week, amongst other things.

I was chatting to my colleague about weddings the other day and she made me realise that wedding planning these days are so much more convenient and the options are so vast. Why? Well, because of the internet of course. She complained about how, when she got married, which was about 9 years ago or so, that internet was not commonplace and readily available (in South Africa at least) and your dress designs were limited to the amount of bridal magazines you managed to page through. There was no such thing as digital photos and videography and being able to watch your wedding day on DVD. Back then, running around for your wedding, literally meant running around…

Although I feel I am at an advantage, having the internet for decision-making, it actually makes things a lot harder, as I now have, literally, the world of options. Not that il give the internet the boot, but being as indecisive and picky as I am, il probably be searching forever for that perfect dress design. I can imagine myself stumbling upon something startlingly beautiful, and then telling myself: “Lets keep looking. There might be something better elsewhere”. I cant help being picky. I was raised by two very particular parents, with good taste and who taught me that quality comes first. Its in my genes.

I foresee a very long process when it comes to the design decisions, but I wont complain about the internet being there to open my eyes to new ideas. And thank goodness for digital technology :)
Imagine the options in another 10 years or so…

What is AIDS?

2008-12-01T14:05:00.010+02:00

HIV and AIDS has been around for more than two decades, and yet society still seems misinformed about this virulent disease. We hear about awareness programs all year round, but yet, the disease keeps spreading. In my opinion, the greatest challenge is spreading knowledge about HIV and AIDS effectively. If we still havent gotten the message across, what are we doing wrong? We also need to communicate the fact that knowledge is not power, until put into action. No person is beyond the reach of this disease and we all need to know the basics. I thought I knew all the basics, but after doing some research, I realised theres quite a bit that I didn’t know. I believe that information, even at this time, is still the most crucial thing, so I will share some basic information here. For more in-depth information on HIV and AIDS, go to: http://www.aidsinfo.nih.gov/ and http://www.thebody.com/.

What is Aids?
AIDS(Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome) is a medical condition. This is developed once HIV has damaged the body’s natural defences against disease. In essence, the body has very little defence against any type of infection.

What is HIV?
HIV(Human Immunodeficiency Virus) is a virus. HIV attacks the body's immune system by destroying one type of blood cell (CD4 cells) that helps the body fight off and destroy germs.

How does HIV become AIDS?
As time goes by, someone infected with HIV will likely become more and more ill, until after several years of being infected, they will become ill with one of a many severe illnesses. When the number of immune cells left in the body is below a certain point, this is when the person is said to have developed AIDS. Also, different countries have different ways of defining this point. Antiretroviral medication can prolong the time HIV takes to become AIDS and infected persons often live for many years with HIV.

How can you become infected?

Unprotected sexual intercourse with an infected person. A condom if used properly can prevent being infected by HIV. Any other form of birth control does not prevent STD’s. They only prevent pregnancy.
Contact with infected blood
Injecting drugs, as injecting equipment is often shared. Same goes for needles used for tattooing, or body piercing.
From mother to child, during pregnancy, delivery and breastfeeding. At this point, the drugs that can reduce the chances of this, is not available in the developing world.
HIV can be transmitted through HIV positive bodily fluids, such as, semen, vaginal fluid, blood, or breast milk.

What will not infect you with HIV?

Insect bites
Hugging, touching, shaking hands
Eating food prepared by someone with HIV
Toilet seats, door-knobs

What about kissing?
Kissing on the cheek, poses no threat at all. Open-mouth kissing is a low risk activity as HIV is present in saliva in very minute quantities; Not enough to lead to HIV infection.
Apparently there is only one documented instance of HIV infection through kissing. Infected blood entered the other persons mouth and in this case, both partners had really serious bleeding gums.

Is there a cure?
Some people are under the impression that there is a cure for AIDS and so feel that they should not worry. I am not sure where and when this information was spread, but this is not true. Currently there is still no cure for AIDS.

AIDS helplines in South Africa:

http://www.jcsmf.org.za/

http://www.aidshelpline.org.za/

A new chapter..

2008-11-28T17:06:00.006+02:00

So im officially engaged :) This happened Wednesday night. Its probably expected of me to tell you all the details and tell you how excited I am. But, in fact, the excitement hasnt kicked in yet. I have to say im one of those people, who will most likely only feel any excitement about a month before my wedding.

Im one of those calm, non-chalant people, who likes everything to come together smoothly, but is too lazy to really make the effort for it. Im not someone who will run around looking for the best prices and doing the whole organizing thing. I like, simple, efficient, but convenience on my part. Yes, im lazy! That seems so typically, NOT female, especially when it comes to weddings, but really, thats just how I am. As long as my day turns out beautifully.

So insha-allah (God-willing), my wedding will be in May of next year.
From now until May, times will prove to be very interesting, to say the least.. Il keep you updated.

Woolgathering

2008-11-26T11:41:00.002+02:00

This time of year, i usually feel very lazy and the last place i want to be is at work. I admire those people that manage to be so focused on work, as if the holiday season is not here and the weather is not so beautiful that you just want to bask in the sun. Maybe they’re in denial, or maybe they have holiday blues and the only way to keep their mind occupied is with work. Ok, yes,maybe they’re just hard-working or they dont have a choice. I find it hard not to notice the blue skies here at work. Then again, i sit next to windows that are two storeys tall. And if i look the other way i look straight into Devil’s Peak. Even if i had an ordinary-sized window, the heat from the sun’s rays will play on my shoulders and beg me to go outside.

For the past week and a half, Ive been driving into work, wondering why i even bother. Its currently code freeze, so we cant do any development. This is supposed to mean, that we should grab these hours for R&D. But to be honest, i would rather be going for a drive along the coast, or just simply sit on white sands and stare at the ocean, while licking my ice-cream cone, than learn new technologies. Ive simply lost my drive. Im supposed to be wanting to do something constructive, and be all studious and grow my skills for an impressive CV. Build those stepping stones that i actually desperately want, but is too lazy to hone at this point. Im one of those, “I need a push” people. I need to feel motivation as well as see it all around me, before i can get going. And right now, nothing in my immediate environment is doing this to me. In actual fact, its having the extreme opposite effect. Its screaming “bad stuffy office. Get out of here!”. I opened up my step-by-step wikis and blogs for XI, and logged onto the server, in the hopes that if i see it, I will blindly work and achieve something... but to no avail. The screens are just playing infront of my eyes like a kaleidoscope of pretty GUI’s :( and doing research without any practical work, is worse. Reading technology, can sometimes make me all drowsy. Research has never been my strong point.

Besides enjoying the summer, i also have my friends wedding on my mind. She’s my closest girlfriend and she’s getting married in just over 3 weeks. I offered to help with some of the preparations, and im all excited for her part.

If you have any suggestions as to how i can get focused on work, it will be much appreciated. Especially those in IT, as you can relate to my environment. One thing ive learnt about myself, is that i can get bored very easily. I need alot of stimulating things around me and a lot of change to keep interested. Also if i dont have a task list, then its difficult to get working. Ive tried creating one, but it proves difficult when you’re still researching something.
What strategies do you guys apply when you’re finding it difficult to focus on work?

Summer Treats

2008-11-21T13:24:00.006+02:00

Theres nothing quite like the onset of Summer. The warmth of the sunny days giving you a taste of whats to come. Living in Cape Town, I feel fortunate to have an array of beaches, scenic drives and picnic spots to choose from. So im looking forward to a season of braais, lazy picnics, walks on the beach and yummy ice-cream. Cinful in Camps Bay, comes to mind…
Us capetonians, often forget how privileged we are to live in such a beautiful city, especially this time of year. I often wonder: what do Gautengers and other in-landers do during summer? I cant imagine Summer without the ocean! I dont visit the beach too often, but yet I cant imagine not having the sea view, the sea smell and the sea shells. Its all I know. If you’re from Cape Town(or any other coastal city), summer means family trips to the beach. Its how you grew up. It’s a part of your life forever.
Hmm maybe you guys who live inland can let me know what summers are like your side.

I don’t celebrate Christmas, but ive always thought about those celebrating Christmas in the north – whats this about a white Christmas? Try beat a festive season in the southern hemisphere, with beach parties! I scheme you cant get more festive in summer.

The little joys of Summer, are simpler than you think. These are instant feel-good-ers:

The early morning sunshine when u wake up
That gentle tingle of the sun’s rays on your skin
The cool sea breeze
The smell of the ocean, as you driving along the coast with your window open
Walks on the beach. And how free you feel being barefoot.
Ice-cream (you shout :) )
Fresh juice with crushed ice
Icy ice lollies
Clear blue skies with no clouds
Juicy strawberries and watermelon
How, all we crave, is something juicy. and how that juicy-ness tickles ur throat
Cool, breezy clothes, sunglasses and sun hats

I just thought about a boat ride… mm might put that on my list of things-to-do this season.

Lionel Ritchie arrived in Cape Town today and even got stuck in traffic with us this morning.
Apparently his touring our city from end-to-end. So if you see him, be friendly. I think capetonians and south africans in general, are scaredy cats and usually avoid celebrities on the road. But don’t freak him out either.

For the capetonians and for the non-capetonians, and for Lionel Ritchie, visit http://www.uncoverthecape.co.za/, for places to see and things to do in Cape Town. Hope you all have a blissful summer..

Hear their cries

2008-11-21T00:29:00.002+02:00

I meant to write a post on the plight of Ethiopian refugees on the 10th November. On this day, bloggers around the world attempted to make a difference for refugees, by giving them a voice through the power of their own words. And there i was, too cooped up in my own world, to even give a thought to those people in need. Typical example of us fortunate beings forgetting about those less fortunate. We are too busy shopping,eating and having gourmet coffee, to think about our sad worldly affairs. But i have decided that its never too late to blog about something this important. Its way past the 10th, but those refugees still need a voice and always will, until the day they have independence. So this is my attempt. I have decided to focus on the Ethiopians, as their sad situation, together with Eritreans, is the most prolonged refugee situation in the world.

Going back to that gourmet coffee of ours... we are so picky about our coffee these days. It has to be brewed with the best beans. We prefer cappuccinos, because the espresso is strong and theres lots of foam. Lattes are just too milky. We only drink our coffee at certain coffee shops, because the others are not up to scratch, and the coffee tastes awful. We have all these preferences and choices, with almost everything in our daily lives, from food, to clothes, to cars, to the type of toothbrush we use... It all seems so petty, when you think of those refugees who can only dream of having a proper place to bathe, or having a meal.

If you could just take a few minutes of your time to imagine yourself in the shoes of an Ethiopian refugee. Imagine living a life, where going back to your own country, means persecution, or being recruited into the army. A life constantly on the run. A life where you have no legal identity, thus struggle to find a job, and thus struggle to feed your family. Imagine being illiterate, but having to fend for yourself. A life, devoid of basic human rights. A life, where everyday means struggling for food, no sanitation and being dehydrated. I dont think we can truly imagine it. Its almost beyond our comprehension.

Ethiopia has a long history of social and political uproar. Millions of Ethiopians have been forced to flee their country, due to fascism, civil unrest, armed conflict and even famine. Given this situation, as well as the economics of the country, Ethiopia will most likely continue to produce more refugees. Neighbouring countries, where refugees are forced to seek asylum, offer no welcome and the refugees are still victims of oppression.

Refugees need proper protection and deserve asylum rights and most importantly, food. Most refugee agencies are struggling to find the means to feed Ethiopian and Eritrean refugees based in Africa and are on constant appeal to the public for assistance. I dont claim to know all there is about these agencies, but i do know that every little bit we give can help them. The least we can do, is help them feed the refugees. There is no point of being free, and having full citizenship, if the most basic human need is not fulfilled.

The situation for Ethiopian refugees is precarious and sombre. We have a bad habit of turning a blind eye to the things we feel we cannot control. But the power does indeed lie with us. From an Islamic perspective, Ethiopia is known as “Haven of the First Migration or Hijra. ” The first Hijra (migration) in Islamic history was to Ethiopia. For Muslims, Ethiopia means a land free from persecution and fear.So, As Muslims, how can we sit back and not fight for the rights of these people?

You can support the plight of Ethiopian refugees here:
http://cyberethiopia.com/home/content/view/92/1/

Maybe she's born with it...

2008-11-06T09:36:00.002+02:00

I have often been asked about my ability to draw. The most common question being: “Did you go for drawing lessons?”. I am self-taught and when i mention this, i usually get a response along the lines of: “Wow, you have talent. You shouldnt be programming!”. Fine, its a pretty expected and normal response, but at the same time, being on the receiving end, it can feel quite strange. Why i say this, is because people generally assume that someone would want to have a career in something they have a talent for. I partly understand this concept, in the sense that, if one does this, you will most likely do well in your career, perhaps enjoy it. What most people forget, is that, the talent you have, might not be something you have a passion for. It might not be something you necessarily enjoy doing, or it might just be something you love, but not enough to spend your whole life doing it. Sometimes its just something you’re born with! If i had a talent for backflips, it doesnt mean i would want to work at the circus.. im just saying.

In my case, i just dont love drawing enough. As much as i feel the passion, its not something i would love to do in a pressured, deadline-type environment. I get spurts of inspiration about every few months and thats when il pick up my trusty pencil and start sketching. Before i recognized this, i thought of pursuing a career in art. Recently though, i realised technology, innovation and programming is my thing. Art will stay a hobby, a deep interest and maybe just a way to express myself; project onto paper, a glimpse of what i see in my mind. Programming is a part of me now, and new technologies never cease to amaze me. I cant imagine leaving it. I reckon i would seriously miss it.

As to where my drawing skills come from.. well, Ive been doing it all my life. As a kid, i loved sketching random things and writing poetry(not sure what happened to the poetry thing). I even drew my own hand in my art class in Standard 5 (Grade 7) and my teacher was impressed. At that point, i never even realised my potential, or that i had a penchant for drawing. I think its mainly genetic though, as my mother and her siblings are all fairly creative. Their talents, include, crafts, oil painting, sketching, writing, singing, knitting, guitar-playing, voice media and more. Also, my father and his siblings all have careers in precision handwork. My father is a carpenter and his brothers, a jeweller and surgeon. So my eye for detail and my steady hand, is definitely inherited. I see light, colours, shadows, lines, form, balance and proportion, all the time, no matter what im looking at. It freaks me out at times,to be honest, even though its a fairly normal thing to a lot of people. I think i can write a whole post about what i see through these peepers, as it can be quite peculiar.

I dont quite understand the praise people give me and others for inherited talents. Having made a success out of something you could never do, deserves praise, not something you’re born with? Algamdulillah, i feel grateful for my skill, but I admire those individuals, who achieved their goals and aspirations, those pencil artists who could never draw, but are now selling their art, those amateur cyclists finishing the Argus cycle tour, those who battled with maths and are now architects and engineers.. those people, are more worthy of praise, in my opinion. Having a talent you’re born with is in its own way, a blessing and special, yes, especially as it can be used for the greater good, but a bigger blessing is having the ability to reach the somewhat unreachable..

Divine poetry

2008-10-30T15:26:00.001+02:00

Im currently sitting at work, re-learning XSLT transformations for my upcoming project. I think the last time I touched XSL and XML must have been about 4 years ago, so I am quite disappointed at my rusty brain. Now that I will be embarking on the world of XI(Exchange Infrastructure), or rather PI(Process Integration), as it is now called, I need these skills again. But..this is not the point of my post.
As I am sitting here, my mind keeps wandering back to my recitation of the Qur’an last night..
Have you ever marvelled at the rhyming verses? Like those in Surah’s Fil (Elephant), Kauthar(Abundance) and Kafirun(Those who reject Faith), etc?. Even Surah Fatihah(The Opening), rhymes.
Yes, we know that the verses are divine and yes, we all know the miracles of the Qur’an. But have you ever just stopped and pondered over the fact that so much truth is coupled with rhyming and melodic rhythm?
They are perfectly rhyming, perfectly articulating the message of Islam. We take this for granted.. We memorise without paying much attention to the make-up of the verses. We read the translations, and we see no rhyming poetry. This rhyming aids us to memorise and creates unique melodies – sounds you wont tire of.

If you have to listen to the same pop song on the radio continuously the whole day, you will easily tire of it and it will very likely start annoying you. But listening to a Surah, esp Surah Fatihah over and over again.. it will actually sound more and more beautiful, each time you hear it.. .

So I was sitting on the floor last night, with the Qur’an in my hands, in awe of the rhyming poetic verses. Each one with its own significance. This for me is one of the profound miracles of the Quran. Some might argue that humans can create truthful messages in rhyming poetry. Might be true, yes, but as perfect as this? Expounding the whole Deen in one book without references? Who’s up for that challenge :)

But now, XSLT is calling.. need to shift my frequencies.

Kite Running

2008-10-28T10:27:00.010+02:00

The annual Kite Festival in aid of mental health, was held at Zandvlei grounds in Muizenberg, this past weekend. As ridiculous as this might seem, I have never flown a kite before. Well, if i did, then it must have been quite boring, or insignificant, because well, i dont remember it. Also, my memory goes back to the age of four, so if i flew a kite, i am sure i would have remembered it. Considering this, and the fact that i have never as such supported mental health (not because i didnt want to, but because i didnt know of much initiatives in aid of it), i made a point of attending. In fact, i was quite excited to go. Why, I am not too sure. I guess the thought of colourful and creative kites and professional kiters (whatever you call those people ), being there, i was quite the eager one.

So, me and the man went on Saturday. The weather turned out beautifully, considering it was a cold-ish day on Friday. Perfect “kite weather” so to speak, as it was hot with a cool breeze. We want the details of the guy who ordered the weather for this event. Some type of connections he has! We caught site of the kites on our way to the grounds and it was as if the sky was inhabited by massive, colourful flying fish. As we got closer, we realised they were in fact, fish! Not only were there fish in the sky, but also crocodiles, an octopus and our personal favourite – a deep sea diver :) We enjoyed staring at the sky most of the time, and not having brought a picnic blanket or a camera, didnt bother us too much. I had a feeling of joy, just watching the kids enjoying themselves. Them, running around with laughter and being over-excited at the sight of their kites flapping in the wind. Kids will be kids, whether rich or poor, fancy kite or tiny paper kite. Money doesnt get in the way of pure kiddie fun. Nice to see them being apart from their cartoons and computers, for a change.

Our attempt at flying a kite turned out rather interesting. We bought one with two handles at one of the stalls, not knowing its actually harder to fly, than one with a single handle. At this time, it was already late afternoon and the wind picked up strongly. After assembling the kite, we gave it go and the wind twisted our strings and dis-assembled our kite. This happened again and carried on like this for a while. A rather frustrating exercise, but so comical at the same time. We gave new meaning to the term “Kite Running”! After many failed attempts and re-assembling it numerous times, we checked the packaging and saw that that kite was only meant to be flown in lighter wind or breezes. Not in this gusty wind.. It was hilariously disappointing. I really wanted to fly a kite. But hey, Im sure theres many more sunny days to fly it.

We decided to go for some Seattle coffee after. Upon entering the mall, i realised the huge contrast of the energy i saw at the kite festival and the humdrum experience of being in a mall. Everyone looked dull, doing their shopping. There was just no verve. Its quite sad to think that we spend so much time inside malls.

All-in-all, the kite festival was fun. Phone-photos to give you an idea:

Watching them wilt...

2008-10-21T00:24:00.004+02:00

In the not too distant past, i received a beautiful bonsai tree as a gift, from the guy in my life. I’ve always loved nature: its splendid glory, miracles and beauty, so this was the perfect gift and i loved it. He knew i loved bonsai trees and being the sweet one that he is, he went to who-knows-where to find one for me.

I soon discovered that nurturing a bonsai tree, involved more than just water and sunshine. With the tree came a little pamphlet, stating all the basics, such as pruning and wiring. i was ready to face the challenge. I followed these rules to the best of my ability, and was quite chuffed when i saw the leaves sprouting and the tiny little branches growing,with even more little shoots. I knew that i was probably not doing all that i should, or could, in fact. There were numerous books out there, some quite comprehensive, on growing bonsai trees, but the steps seemed overwhelmingly testing. It felt as if i needed a degree in botany to own a bonsai tree!

After a few months of caring for this beautiful tree, it started dying. i was devastated, especially since i knew that it was negligence on my part. Watching it die, broke me up inside. Not only was it an amazing creation that i destroyed, it was also a very special gift from a very special person. This special person felt that there was no need for an apology. Up until today i still havent forgiven myself for letting it die. It has become quite a sore topic and avoid talking about it.

Ever since the bonsai episode, i cant stand the sight of dying plants and flowers. I go into a frantic worry about keeping them alive, even though i know that, being in vases, they will eventually die. Im not much of a gardener either, so planting them wont help. My fingers are far from green.

Recently, i received a bouquet of fifteen roses from him, for my birthday. Its been 3 weeks, and my sadness prevails as I am watching it wilt... the dry leaves falling randomly onto the wooden surface below.

Perhaps one day, I will grow a bonsai tree the proper way.

So this is apparently me

2008-10-17T16:07:00.004+02:00

Just some more insight into who i am. This is not all the pieces of the puzzle, but i think what is here is more or less accurate..

Cappuccino

2008-10-16T16:14:00.005+02:00

I found this on Being Brazen 's blog and thought it is so cool..
Following up on my addiction to Seattle Coffee, i thought this would be rather appropriate :)

*Create your own sign/button/image at image chef.

Current Addictions

2008-10-14T22:32:00.009+02:00

Ok, i was tagged by Nielfa. She had a rather interesting list of addictions.

“Addiction” sounds so haraam ;) Not to be too serious now, but I am a firm believer of moderation and is always consciously aware of not indulging, no matter what it is. Those who know me well, will know this about me. But yes, we are all human, and sometimes i like spoiling myself :) So here we go:

1.Ok, im gonna be boring now. This isnt really an addiction of something material, but rather a life obsession. And that is, balance. I am obsessed with things to be balanced, whether its moderating the food i eat, the shape of an object, visual symmetry.. etc. If something is not ‘square’, i have an urge to correct it. If something is not proportional, i feel restless. Im not sure where this stems from. Maybe because i am very visual? Maybe because i sketch? I notice imbalance and disproportion without thought. I just like balance okay..

2. Now for material stuff :)
The Deckle Edge – The best art material supplier shop ever. I just love this place. I have to walk out there with something in my hand. I buy all my pencils and other art supplies here. They have all this fancy arty stuff that makes me want to produce a thousand art pieces..until i get home of course.

3. Woolies Wheatgerm and Olive Oil handcream – the only handcream i have used for about 2 years now. I usually buy different skincare products all the time. So i know when I go back to buy the same thing,that i must really like it! Only problem is, Woolies decided to discontinue this :( Dont they know how loyal Ive been? *moan*

4. Lindt Lindor Dark Chocolate – the one with the blue wrapper. Its like having an Aero moment, but with a Lindt chocolate. Clouds, angels, dreams.. without the bubbles.. Try the Lindor one, if you dont like it, whats wrong with you?

5. Books – if you know me well, you are probably wondering why this is only number 5. I have so many books, i actually ran out of shelf space, cupboard space, desk space..
Reading is my life.

6. Seattle Coffee Co. coffee – save the best for last :) Do i still need to elaborate?

I dont know much people here, so Im breaking the tag chain (dont shoot me!)
Maybe when i have more friends, i will do that :D

But here are the rules anyway:
*Post at least five current addictions (with some details please).

*Mention the person who started this game of tag (i.e Being Brazen) and also the person who just tagged you.

*Type your post with the heading “Current addictions”.

*Tag at least two people and pass on the above rules.

Body Butter Bug

2008-10-13T16:53:00.004+02:00

I am your typical woman when it comes to beauty products, I must admit. The intrigue lies more in the visual display of products and the indulgence of experimenting, than the actual benefit of the products. In my opinion, most women own beauty products they dont need. As women, we have this genetic disposition to seek beauty. Beautifying ourselves, our homes, our gardens, .. and practically everything around us. If there werent any women on Earth, I doubt men would know the vast levels of beauty attainable. Thats just my honest opinion :) But yes, many women can go too far! We need to learn to protect ourselves from our own vanity.

I think i went off on a tangent, and almost forgot the original reason for this post, which is all about my new fascination with a beauty product i discovered. Now when it comes to skincare, i am not too finicky, as long as the product works and as long as i can handle the scent, assuming it has one, as i have a particularly sensitive nose. I can usually smell something in the air way before others can, which is kind of weird. So strong scents are out the window for me. Also, the scent shouldnt spur on my allergy symptoms (i have nasal rhinitis). And that was my only criteria, until i discovered The Body Shop a few years ago. The first time i passed by this store and catched a whiff of its sweet aroma i was intrigued. Browsing their products and smelling their fruity scents, made me add another criteria for a product that i will or will not buy. And that is, as long as it doesnt smell of fruit! I didnt want to smell as if someone spilled mango juice all over me. Thoughts of stickiness and flies came to mind.. Ever since i realised this, i lost interest in The Body Shop. This all changed recently though, when i was on the prowl, searching for a body exfoliator. I wanted something natural to exfoliate my skin as i just couldnt fathom how we can use little manufactured beads to exfoliate when we have sand, salt, and stone all around us.. Then i realised that The Body Shop has exfoliators with natural ingredients, like coconut husk and salt in them and suddenly the scent didnt matter. I bought an exfoliator from them and couldnt resist but buy the matching body butter. Ive heard many women rave about their body butters, but thought i would never use them. Firstly they smell of fruit, and secondly i dont like body butters. They’re just too greasy.

Curiosity got the better of me and so i gave it a go, and i was pleasantly surprised. I tried a few, but the coconut body butter is the best i have tried so far, which isnt too fruity, and doesnt have that overwhelming fake coconut smell either. (Their scents smell like the actual fruit, which is almost freaky).There is just something about the texture of their butters, that makes me want to keep dipping my fingers in for another scoop. Its not like lotion, but its not like conventional body butters either. The texture is more akin to a balm. And i cant get enough. Best thing is, it lasts for about 3-4 months. I now understand why their body butters has won awards.

Like thousands of women around the world, I think ive been bitten by The Body Shop body butter bug :) Ive even come to appreciate the natural scents. Added bonus, is their contribution to community trading, so i am securing a job at the same time.

I guess you cant rid a woman of her insatiable desire for divine scents, textures and her love of beauty, even if its just in the body butter she uses..

The Voluptuous Delights of Peanut Butter and Jam

2008-10-09T14:38:00.002+02:00

If you’re an avid reader, you might recognize the title of my post as the title of the recently published book by author Lauren Liebenberg. I take my hat off to her, for her well-written, moving, debut novel. This wont be a review of the book, but I want to share just a bit of my experience reading it. Usually after reading a good novel, and having being lost in a journey of my own, i sometimes wish i can share that experience with others! Its as if I have just watched this epic movie (only better), but no-one else did. Many people i know, would rather watch a movie than read a book, unfortunately, even though reading is ten fold more riveting. But thats another topic on its own :)

Let me give you a brief description of the book. .The story is around two sisters who grew up in the 1970’s, on a farm, in the then dying country of Rhodesia. It is narrated by the older sister of 8 years old. With a backdrop of civil war, African culture and tradition on their doorstep and a distorted view of Catholocism, these girls have a rather interesting and adventurous childhood. They live in an innocent world, of fairytales, African paganism and the wonders of the rainforest nearby. Their father is off fighting terrorists, while they are in the care of their mother and paternal grandfather. Their unperturbed and innocent life soon ends when their orphaned cousin arrives. The drama truly begins with the arrival of this boy and ‘stranger’.

Well, thats as far as I will go in describing it. What amazed me the most while reading this book, is how i was immediately absorbed into the characters and most importantly, how it felt as if i was truly there. This is no easy feat for a first time author! I may not have grown up on a farm, but i felt that i could identify with Lauren’s colourful descriptions of the girls’ exploration outdoors. It might be that because the novel is based so close to home, and the familiarities of having spent many days outdoors myself as a child, that i could almost smell the farm air just reading it... I had such a strong feeling of nostalgia, it took me way back to my childhood. I guess being South African, I had that almost implicit understanding of the setting and characters. Lauren has the extraordinary skill ofcreating an African reality with simple words. I finished the book in +/-3 days,because I just couldn’t put it down. There was something gripping and profound about this book. There were funny parts, but also many heart-breaking and dark parts to this story. I guess i enjoyed it so much, due to being transported back to childhood, seeing and interpreting life through the eyes of a child once again, as well as my love of nature.

Its a short, yet elegantly written story. Even if you dont know anything about the history of Zimbabwe, I would recommend this book. Well done, Lauren Liebenberg. I hope that you write many more beautiful novels. And i am looking forward to more creative titles, such as this one :) The title alone made me want to eat peanut butter and jam again after so many years!

No More Energade

2008-10-06T21:58:00.003+02:00

The much anticipated day of Eid, came and went. In fact, Eid was happening all around me as i lay observing it from my bed. The night before Eid, which was the night of my birthday, i was feeling rather drained and weak, but strangely so. I could not pinpoint the cause of my lethargy and the need for me to sit down, rather than stand. The last thing i did for the night, was ice some biscuits for my mom and then she told me to go to bed. I went to bed and thats when it all started. The shaking, the fever, the cold.. and the stomach discomfort. Little did i know that this was the start of gastric flu. After many trips to the loo, bouts of vomiting, and downing stomach pills, i made it back to bed, but never slept. The pain and cold kept me awake. I realised I never slept a wink, when i heard my father leaving for Eid prayer. I opened my eyes and saw the light of day. My Eid did not begin in the traditional capetonian fashion, with pies, cornbeef and coffee, but rather with a headache and a trip to the medi-clinic for medication. The rest of the day was spent in bed, forcing bits and pieces of biscuits and other ‘dry’ food into my mouth, followed by weak tea, Energade or water. “Lots of fluids”, i was told and no dairy.

Its a curious experience, being bed-ridden on Eid. Hearing voices of happy people, in and out of the house. The familiar hustle and bustle of excited little kids, with their bags of money jingling. Not being a part of the activity, feels strange. Like being there, but not quite.You know the guests are eating, but you cannot fathom how they can want to eat. Doesnt eating make them nauseous? Everything seems to be happening around you, and you know its Eid, but you dont feel it. You’re here, then you’re not.. you’re awake, then you’re gone.

The night of Eid, i was knocked out by anti-nausea tablets, followed by painkillers. By knocked out, I mean so bad, that i cant recall sleeping. All i remember is waking up the next morning. I felt a lot better though. I lost so many hours. I also felt as if I lost the many joys of Eid, for the first time in my life. I guess there really is a first time for everything. I know that my joys and blessings were there, just in disguise. One other important thing i lost, is the knowledge of the SAP course i was attending that week. It was the one course i have been wanting to do for quite some time and i missed the bulk of it. Thats not going to stop my motivation for wanting to know the material though. So Il be learning as much as i can on my own.

I find it quite ironic, not having appetite, now that Ramadaan has ended. I miss Ramadaan. The spiritual high in myself and in the air, the closeness of family, the structure of the day. Everything is always in order and on time. Insha-allah, i hope to carry that spirituality with me for the rest of the year too.

For those who managed to celebrate Eid, I hope it was a blessed, joyous day. And i hope that you’ve reaped the benefits of Ramadaan, so that you can cultivate a new, more spiritual you, for many more days to come, Insha-allah.

As for me, i am still recovering. My hunger pangs are returning, but i am still avoiding dairy like the plague (even though ive been craving lattes and buttered toast ), and hoping that soon, i will be able to drink something other than weak tea or Energade..

Going Green

2008-09-19T21:26:00.011+02:00

im clearly new to blogging. im posting yet again, as if i have a backlog of thoughts thats just bursting out of my head! Alright, to get to the point of going green... no, not with envy. I mean being more environmentally aware. Green is the new buzzword right now. Everyone suddenly realizing they need to care for the planet, when it should have always been the case. We need a hole in the ozone to remind us of such an imperative thing.
Ive been watching my carbon footprint and im ashamed to say im guilty as charged. Im a heavy offender :( mainly due to me driving in to work with a petrol guzzler and alone (shame on me).

Ive noticed that so many people take off their 'green cap' for their own conveniences and various reasons, but they dont realise that you cannot have conveniences if you dont have a planet to live on...
People are always caring for their homes, and communities, but hardly give thought to the bigger 'home' we live in. We are so killing this planet, we should be doing everything we can. and its the little things that can make a huge difference. ive recently started using bar soaps instead of luxury shower creams, to keep heaps of plastic out of landfills. I wish everyone would do this. but yet, i still feel i need to cut down on more plastic. ever so often i forget to take bags with me when shopping.. sigh. and i seriously need to find a different way of travelling to work. As a human being and a Muslim, its my duty to do as much as i can.

On the topic of going green. Spring is around the corner. well for us, in the south :) Actually, Cape Town is keeping us in suspense at the moment. These wintry days are never-ending. we even have snow on Table Mountain at the moment. I cant wait for the soothing spring air and the waft of fresh flowers...
And, this green season is the perfect time to 'go green' so to speak, after spending many cold days in your car keeping warm ie. use public transport, walk instead of drive, plant a tree, etc. planting trees is something i would love to do. Im told its such a rewarding activity. Also, trees are the biggest carbon fighters, so if you wana 'go green', plant one, donate one, whatever you choose, but do something!
And dont forget to hug them :D

Ive realised i need to spend more time looking after our environment. Earth is way too precious. So heres to more green days... lets jump on the buzzing bandwagon and save this glorious planet for decades of future generations. oh, and have a blooming Spring :)

Menstruation and Fasting

2008-09-18T14:09:00.021+02:00

As you all know, for the time a woman is menstruating during the month of Ramadaan, she is exempted from fasting. She should then compensate for these days by fasting those days after Ramadaan and before the next Ramadaan.

There are various situations for being exempted from fasting, but here and now i want to concentrate on menstruation and Nifaas (bleeding after birth) as they are similiar. On the question as to why women in this state are exempted from fasting, many, including women, will immediately respond with the fact that a woman, at this time is not paak (pure/clean). This is correct, because in order to Salaah and read Quran, one needs to be clean and logically, if a woman is bleeding, she is constantly physically impure. I will not get into the various states of purity and impurity, but you get the general idea. But there is one very important reason for not fasting, often overlooked by most of us.

When a woman menstruates, the loss of blood, causes a drop in her iron levels. This can lead to headaches, fatigue and weakness. Similiar to that of donating blood. And this is with a normal, healthy diet. Besides the loss of blood, many women are dependant on medication for that period of time, to alleviate bad menstrual symptoms. Clearly, fasting would aggravate these symptoms and nourishment is essential. I, for one usually suffer from really bad headaches at that time and feel terribly weak to the point of not being able to function at work. i need a greater iron intake and make sure that i eat more regularly. So many of us do not realise just how important it is to eat healthily while menstruating. Even just increasing your dairy intake, can aggravate symptoms. Everyone's symptoms vary, but the vast majority of women suffer from at least one symptom.

Fasting has been prescribed to us, not only for strengthening our spirit and cleansing our souls, but also for enhancing our health. Fasting correctly, is in fact a way of detoxing your body, not harming it or aggravating illnesses. Those fasting, who should not be, is in fact going against the very purpose of fasting.
Women often dont welcome menstruation during Ramadaan, purely for having the debt. We often dont realise that it is in fact just one of the small mercies that Allah(SWT) has given us. With that, we also have a chance to fast outside of this month and periodically strengthen our imaan, reminding us of the bounties attached to fasting.
There are many males out there who do not understand how unpleasant it is to eat during the month of Ramadaan. Ask any person who is forced to eat during the fast, due to illness and they will tell you how uncomfortable, unpleasant and sometimes how sad it can be. But life carries on and sooner or later you will realise that Allah(SWT) is merciful, making sure that you are healthy, protecting you from harm, putting u in a state of ease, so that you can concentrate on your Ibadah and all the other blessings of this month.

So... for those fasting, hope you attain the wonderful benefits of fasting and for those who cannot fast, dont fret or feel down. This month is a blessing and concentrate on what you can achieve for this month, while not able to fast.. .

Ramadaan

2008-09-16T17:30:00.012+02:00

As another day of Ramadaan is ending, and I once again sit and ponder over my day, I have come to a few realisations. Firstly, that I am blessed to experience yet another day of this auspicious month. Even though I usually start off my day thanking the Almighty(SWT) and end it off the same way, I seem to comprehend being here another day, ever so more in this month. And yes, it is the month of reflection, but ever so often, we go through the motions without realizing the mercy bestowed on us, just being alive during this month. So, ive been sitting here, thinking about how truly blessed I am to see another day of Ramadaan and also to know that my parents are here too. Sadly, for most of us, we only really understand the meaning of being here, when we hear that someone has died before the onset of Ramadaan.

With this, came my second realisation, which is, how quickly this month is going by. Today is the 16th day and we’re now onto the second half of the month. This is typically the start of Eid preparations and the eager anticipation for the celebration to arrive. What it should mean for us, is an increase in Ibadah as the rich rewards of the month is rapidly slipping away. This month is passing so quickly and it makes me wonder, am I doing enough? I can only hope that what I have done and what I have managed to grasp thus far, is accepted by the Almighty(SWT) and that I will see another Ramadaan next year, Insha-Allah. Time is ticking away and yet, we have this tendency to waste hours of it.

Thirdly, my birthday happens to be on the very last day of Ramadaan this year, assuming this month has 30 days. This fact is causing mixed emotions for me. Usually, whether in the fast, or not, my mother prepares enough food and treats for whoever will be visiting. We usually invite my sister, her husband and kids and my friends for iftaar as well. its usually a jolly occasion, me being spoiled with gifts and everyone enjoying the eats. I do truly appreciate all the effort my mother puts in every year. This time round, she’s gone into a state of worry around this, because the last day of Ramadaan usually means a late night, doing the last of the tidying up for Eid, cleaning this and that, and a not so well-endowed table for iftaar.
The primary focus now will be Eid preparations. Now, I have no expectations around her preparing anything for me, but I do know that she will nonetheless make it special, even if its just a special supper. Its just who she is. This makes me feel guilty, as I don’t want her to do more than she should, considering all the effort. But at the same time, one cannot help but wish for a special birthday. Also, how happy can I be on my birthday, when Ramadaan is ending at the same time? Similiarly, looking forward to the joyous occasion of Eid always conjures up conflicting feelings inside of me, as saying goodbye to Ramadaan usually makes me sad.

My final realisation, is that I have many, many things that I should be grateful for that I overlook daily. Ive taken it upon myself to think about a few good things about my life everyday.
So here are my 10 things in no particular order, about today that I am grateful for:
1. I woke up this morning
2. so did my parents
3. I still have my sanity
4. I am physically healthy
5. I had a few minutes to spend time with my nephew this morning
6. I have a decent-paying job that I enjoy
7. I have people in my life that care about me
8. I was blessed another day of Ramadaan
9. I have a warm rain jacket for today’s cold weather
10. I arrived at work safely