I see...

Form, shapes, colours, lines, proportions, light, angles, shades, ... thats me. Thats how I roll. I live my life visually. I think visually. Its no surprise why its so difficult for me to spit out words on paper, or pc infact... my words are all pictures. And to interpret my thoughts from that, proves to be a real challenge. We all have something and if we were put into categories, I would be part of the category of people who expresses themselves with pictures, who solves problems visually and subconciously sees everything as a shape or colour. I often dream about things which I cant explain, because all I see is the shapes, the colour and the movement, even though while in the dream it was the same reality we have here or similiar. Sometimes, just before i wake up, I see a shape and colour and in actual fact, that object represents what I was just dreaming about. Often, when Im not fully asleep, or rather my subconscious takes over, and I want to see something in particular, in my mind, I make it appear as if switching on a TV. The person, or objects or scenery fully appears as if in a dream. It appears either rapidly or slowly, as if my mind forms the scene in slow motion.

It can sound weird, but we all have something, which often, we dont realise and which we deem to be the same for everyone else.

Everything around me is not just that object to me. Naturally, my eyes tend to follow the curves/lines of the object and often I wish to direct imaginary lines perfectly straight to connect two imaginary points on the object. Or if I am not completely “square” with the object, I try to draw a straight line with my eyes to a nearby object without skewing it or my eyes. Maybe this is weird. It was only now in my later years that I realised its such a habit of mine to do that and I’ve been doing it since childhood.

For example, a pavement, a simple sidewalk, is not just that to me. Its an object which my eyes have roamed over and over again while in the car, with interesting proportions and a gentle curve with interesting shades of colour, usually grey. I’ve often wondered about the history of its design and the tools to construct it.These are such normal everyday thoughts for me. It never registered on my radar as anything significant. Its the way you would see your environment around you everyday to work and wonder about certain things... well, its the same thing. Only now that I’ve reflected on my thoughts, have I noticed this. I dont go around always seeing every shape and colour, because I am just like anyone else.. I filter when I need to.

I easily notice misproportions, skew walls, skew cupbouards, skew anything in fact... gaps where there shouldnt be, colour coordination, colour imbalance.. and the list goes on. As you can imagine, Im a perfectionist with aesthetics. Im not pedantic (because I believe no-one should be), but when something isn’t “right”, in my immediate environment’, I feel restless. And thats apart from my “tidy up” side. Perhaps that is why I often feel the need to tidy up – because things are “skew”, because there is no balance, visually. I therefore love clean lines and beauty all around me.

The easiest way to express myself is visually and therefore I do pencil drawings. The lines flow as easily as the words would flow for someone who writes. I often wonder what the purpose of it all is... will it dictate my choices for the future? Will I ever need to use it? Or will it use me? And will I allow it to?

Right now I enjoy the power it gives me, but I do feel the need to use it for bigger and better endeavours.
I cant help but think that one day it will help me soar...